(We open with another shot of the Nevada cliffs as Lucy bounces along. We see that the five Bowery Boys sit in the cart, talking amongst themselves about the contest, Slip's interest in Sally, the new female Marshal, and whom the "Black Falcon" might be.)
(The camera shows us, however, what they don't see...Gabe hanging on for dear life under Lucy.)
*Lucy pulls to a stop in front of the cave. The Boys unload themselves, still chatting amicably, then head into the cave. Back at Lucy, we see Gabe let go of the underside and land with a thud.*
Gabe: *Peeks out from under Lucy; eyes widen* What in the world...
Sach: (Grins at Slip) You did well, Chiefy! Who ya gonna give your half of the money to? Some of the townspeople? The settlers? The Indians?
Slip: Dunno. I haven't decided yet. I do know I wanna use some to take Sally out, if she'll have me.
Butch: I'm sure she will! (He smirks) She sure ain't interested in that Gabe anymore. She turns him down every time she asks.
Slip: Natterally. Now, my only competition is myself.
Whitey: Is that anythin' like Sach shadow boxing himself?
Slip: *Rolls his eyes* Not quite, Whitey.
Sach: It ain't?
Slip: No.
*Meanwhile, Gabe has made his way to the mouth of the cave. He stands off to the side, peeking in.*
Butch: Those guys back at the Jail House sure weren't talkin'.
Sach: Even when we tickled their feet, they wouldn't talk!
Whitey: Yeah, they just laughed.
Chuck: *Sighs* I didn't get much out of the new Marshal. She's as close-lipped as they come.
Sach: What's with her? She's got somethin' against us! So what if we don't have a department store! We have a General Store! Old Man Bruster sells the best canned corn in town!
Slip: That dame's in the wrong town, but she's gotta be here for a reason. Just wish I knew what it is.
Sach: She's the new Marshal! Didn't ya hear her?
Slip: Besides that, amoeba brain.
Sach: Maybe she wants to buy some of that new gingham cloth at Bruster's General Store and make herself some more of those fancy dresses. (Sighs) I wonder how she gets in those? They were awfully tight. Maybe she uses a shoehorn.
Chuck: Yes, Sach, she does use a shoehorn. :P
Slip: *Flops into a chair* There has to be a way we can find out what that dame's up to.
Sach: Maybe we could follow her!
Chuck: That is one way.
Gabe: *Walks right into the cave* Please stop thinking so hard. I could smell the smoke all the way outside.
Slip: *Eyes widen; he jumps up* Where did you come from?
Gabe: The east. You?
Sach: We came from the East, too!
Slip: *Ignores the comment* How did you find this place?
Butch: Yeah! We're in the middle of nowhere!
Chuck: Did you track us?
Gabe: I'm not about to divulge that information. However, I heard some rather interesting information from all of you.
Slip: What, you gonna blackmail us or som'en?
Sach: Yeah! We don't need black mail! The white mail we get is just fine!
Gabe: I don't know yet.
Slip: Whadaya want from us?
Sach: We could arrest ya, you know! We're deputies!
Gabe: Seems to me you're also something else.
Sach: We're pretty good dancers.
Gabe: Not what I meant. *motions to Slip* Your "Chief" mentioned something about his "other me."
Slip: I didn't know I had an audience.
Sach: Uh...we have doubles?
Gabe: *Rolls his eyes and folds his arms* The Lone Disarrangers. What's the deal?
Sach: Uh...who?
Slip: Why do you think we know?
Butch: Yeah! Why don't you go talk to that new lady Marshal?
Gabe: I'm not an idiot, boys. I've been paying attention since I got into town. And I know that new Marshal is bad news.
Slip: Yeah, paying attention to Sally.
Sach: You like Sally. You keep tryin' to ask her out, an' she keeps sayin' no.
Gabe: She'll come around. *motions around at the cave* So what's this place? Why do YOU need a secret hideout?
Sach: So nobody finds us.
Gabe: Why? This is where you two disappear to when the Sheriff's looking for you?
Slip: Natterally.
Sach: It's also where I get to blow things up.
Butch: What's it to ya?
*Gabe grins, knowingly.*
Gabe: You guys ARE the Lone Disarrangers. I just had the conclusion verified by your Chief.
Slip: What're you talkin' about?
Sach: He didn't say nuthin, did ya, Chiefy?
Gabe: Actually, it was one word. Both your Chief here and the short Lone Disarranger have tossed around "Natterally."
*Slip opens his mouth, but closes it again, realizing his mistake.*
Sach: Chiefy!
Butch: So, now what are you gonna do?
Gabe: *Shrugs* Perhaps it's time we worked together. I'm just as interested in finding out what the new Marshall is up to as you are.
Slip: And if we don't, yer gonna go blabbin' around who we are.
Butch: Guess we don't have much of a choice, then.
Gabe: Sorry, fellas.
Chuck: Great.
Sach: Ok then, buddy. I wanna know who YOU are, 'sides Gabe, and why you're chasin' the Chief's girl.
Gabe: First, I didn't know he liked her or she liked him. I thought she was pretty and wanted to be nice.
Slip: I suppose that's a rationed answer.
Gabe: Second, *pulls out a wallet and flips it open, showing a badge* I'm a Special Agent for President Grant. I've been put in charge of looking into the activities of the Black Falcon. The Falcon has been stealing from stagecoaches and trains as well as around town. I was also asked to find out what I could about the infamous Lone Disarrangers.
Slip: Well, you got that last part done.
Sach: Hey Chiefy, we're famous! The government knows about us!
Slip: *folds his arms* So yer gonna go blabbin' to the FBI that you know who we are, then what? We're useless if people know us.
Butch: We've gotta work together!
Sach: Yeah! We could help you, n' you could help us.
Gabe: I'm perfectly willing. *turns to Slip* If you're willing.
Slip: *Nods once* I'm willin'.
Butch: Gabe, did you notice anythin' funny 'bout the new Marshal at the contest?
Sach: Other than she should walk funnier than she does and needs a shoehorn for her dress?
Gabe: Yes, there is something fishy about her.
Slip: We just gotta figure out what.
Gabe: We need a plan to make her reveal her true intentions, whatever they may be.
Sach: Maybe we could give her somethin' that would make her tell the truth.
Slip: Yer in charge of potions, Sach. Got anythin' in mind?
Sach: I've been workin' on somethin' that'll make anyone who drinks it tell the truth. (He pulls out a purple potion) Who wants to give it a try?
Slip: Yer flipped if ya think we're gonna let ya try that out on us.
Gabe: Does that actually work?
Sach: Sure! I'll try it on myself. (He gulps the potion.) Hmm. Tastes like grape, but it's too sweet. I really need to... (That's when his eyes glaze over. He smiles stupidly.)
Butch: Sach, are you ok?
Slip: He normally looks like that, like a glazed donut.
Whitey: Sach? Sach! Speak to me! *shakes him*
Sach: Whitey, you're great with telegraphs. You want your boss' job and a raise.
Whitey: Yeah, I do!
Sach: Chiefy, why don't you just grab Sally, kiss her, tell you you're crazy 'bout her, and marry the girl?
Slip: I... *eyes widen realizing what Sach said* What're you...you crazy moron, shudup!
Chuck: *Sees the murderous look in Slip's eyes* Sach, maybe this isn't such a good idea.
Sach: Chuck, you're a great newspaperman. You want the job of chief writer, and you want to tell the story of the Lone Disarrangers, but Chiefy won't let you.
Chuck: *Sees Slip turn his murderous look on him* Uh, I, uh...
Sach: And (points to Gabe) I don't trust you, and the Chief don't, either. We're both jealous, 'cause you're good lookin' and Sally went fer ya.
Gabe: *Sighs* Yeah, that potion works. Should've seen that coming.
Sach: And I...I... (His eyes glaze over again...and this time, when he comes out of it, he looks more-or-less like himself.) Hi, everyone! Did my potion work?
Slip: *Smacks Sach with his hat* Oh, it worked!
Sach: Oop! What did I do, Chiefy?
Slip: You spoke before spoken to.
Gabe: Well, that potion would certainly work perfectly if we had some way to administer it to the new Marshal.
Butch: Maybe we could get Louie to invite her to the bar.
Chuck: Would she actually come, though?
Slip: We won't know unless we try.
Butch: Maybe not if Louie invited her...(looks at Slip)... but if Mama invited her, say, to get to know her new boss...
Slip: *Nods* That might just work.
Sach: What might work?
Slip: Will you pay attention?
Sach: Ok, Chief! (He hands him some money) Here, I'm payin' your attention!
Slip: *Slaps the money away* SACH!!!
Butch: Ok. ok. I think we've gotta get back to Bowery Canyon and tell Mama an' Louie our idea.
Sach: (Grabs several beakers) And make more truth potion!
*Slip growls in Sach's direction.*
Chuck: Preferably before Slip kills Sach.
Gabe: *Rolls his eyes, but he's grinning* Lets go to it, fellas.
(They head for Lucy, Sach with his armful of beakers.)
(Cut to Louie's bar. There's a large table in the corner where Mama, Slip, Sach, and Chuck already sit.)
Mama: You sure this is gonna work?
Slip: We're sure, Mama.
Sach: Sure we're sure! (Looks at Slip) Ain't we, Chief?
Slip: *Glares at Sach* Do you have the potion?
Sach: (Mutters to Slip) Yeah. I'm gonna put it in her soup.
Slip: *Mutters* Good. *normally* Yes, Sach, we are.
Chuck: *checks his watch* She is fashionably late, though.
(That's when Sheila Saunders saunters through the door, followed by Wallace. She wears a cream-colored gown with a modest, high-necked top with lots of lace and a matching hat, wrap, and parasol. She hands Louie her parasol and wrap as Wallace pulls out her seat.)
Mama: Hello, Miss Saunders. Where have you been?
Sach: You're late, you know.
*Slip stomps Sach's foot under the table.*
Sheila: I was with Marshal Cornwall. He was telling me my duties. (She yawns a little) I found them rather boring. The paperwork is so dull. (As Sach squawks) Are you all right, young man?
Sach: (Nods quickly) Um...yeah. I'm fine. Never been better. How are you?
Sheila: Ready to fight corruption. The one thing I'm looking forward to doing in this job is wiping out all traces of those horrible bandits who have plagued this area.
Slip: That's good to hear. Any thoughts on how?
Sheila: We really need to crack down on these people and let them know who's boss. More patrols. Heavier fines for criminals.
Slip: How do we fit into this?
Sheila: You'll be doing the cracking.
Slip: *Shrugs* I've been cracking Sach for years.
Sheila: You have to make your presences known. Mama tells me you two have been running off a lot lately. I can't have that.
Sach: We run all the time! We run after Louie's milkshakes. Right, Chief?
Slip: *Sighs* Yes, Sach. We get tips on things that're goin' on, an’ we get a little on the thin side sometimes...
Sach: I'm on the thin side. Chief's on the fat side.
*Slip stomps on Sach's foot under the table again.*
*Chuck rolls his eyes, shaking his head slightly.*
Slip: Sometimes we're takin' care of more than one problem at a time.
Sheila: You'll need to hire more men. What about those fellows who are always with you?
Mama: We don't have the money for that!
Sheila: You have my money.
Slip: We don't need it. The Lone Disarrangers help us out.
Sheila: Speaking of them, I want to know who they are. Why do they appear every time there's a robbery? Are they involved?
Mama: They've helped us capture the bandits every time!
Sach: Of course they're not!
Slip: They most certainly are not involved! If it weren't for them, this wouldn't be a peaceable town.
Sheila: They meddle in other people's affairs.
Slip: They don't metal! They right wrongs and make left corrections if need be.
Mama: They ain't hurt anybody, Miss Saunders! I don't understand why you're so down on them!
Louie: (He and Sally appear with the bowls of soup) Here you are. Chicken noodle. My specialty.
Slip: With matzo balls?
Louie: Why certainly, with... (Louie blushes and suddenly shakes his head) Uh, no! Darn boy, gets me confused...
Sally: It's very good, I can assure you.
Chuck: Why don't we eat, then we'll discuss this further?
Sach: Yeah! (He takes Sheila's bowl)
Sheila: Mr. Jones, that is MY bowl of soup you're handling.
Sach: Oop! So it is!
Slip: You'll have to pardon him. He tends to leave his manners at home.
Sheila: (Pushes Sach's bowl towards him...but it pushes against Slip's) I believe this is yours.
Sach: Is it? (He pushes his spoon around in it) I think it is. There's the hair I lost...
Slip: *Aggravated* Sach!
Sach: Wha? (He leans against the bowl...and it goes flying! The soup ends up on Slip.)
Sach: Oooh, sorry Cheif! (Grabs Sheila's bowl) Here, have this one.
Sheila: That's MY bowl again, you clod! :
Slip: Sach, if you don't knock it off, I'm gonna forget MY manners!
Sach: What, you don't want soup? (Whispers to Slip) Which bowl is hers? I'm gonna put my truth potion in there!
Sally: (She comes out with a towel and starts to mop up Slip) I'll get you some more soup.
Slip: *Forgets Sach asked him a question as he grins up at Sally* Thank you, Sally.
*Chuck just watches, bemused.*
Sally: Um, you're welcome, Slip. (Stares at him) Is there something wrong?
Sach: Oop! I think I got the soup bowls mixed again.
Mama: Slip, you ok?
Louie: (He joins them) What's going on here?
Sach: Um, Slip ate somethin' that ain't gonna agree with him.
Sheila: What's going on? I want my soup back!
Wallace: What's with the short guy?
Sach: (Sees that his beaker is empty and leans over Chuck) Uh, Chuck...I think I spilled the potion on Slip when the soup knocked over.
Chuck: *Groans; quietly* Oh no! You didn't, Sach!
Slip: Sally, I gotta tell ya som'en...
Sach: I did! (He elbows Slip) Don't tell nobody nuthin'!
Slip: *Ignores Sach* Sally, I'm crazy 'bout ya! I just never had the guts to tell ya!
*Chuck gives a visible sigh of relief.*
Sally: (She blushes) You...you are?
Sach: Oh, that's ok. Everybody knows THAT!
Louie: It's about time he told you that.
Slip: *Stands* That isn't the only thing, Sally. There's som'en else I wanna tell ya.
Sach: Uh uh! (He puts a hand over Slip's mouth) You ain't tellin' nuthin' else!
Sheila: Oh, do tell. What else does he know about?
*Slip is trying to talk through Sach's hand, but it's all garbled.*
Chuck: *Jumps up* Slip isn't feeling well. Right, Sach?
Sach: (Also jumps up) Right. We have to go the doctor and get him some medicine.
*Slip is still trying to talk, but he suddenly stops and seems to dip a little. Chuck grabs him under the arms.*
Sach: You ok, Chief? You must really not be feeling well.
Slip: *Mildly confused* What happened?
Sach: I think you drank my truth potion. You told Sally that you like her.
Slip: I... *realizes* aye yi yi...
Chuck: *Mutters* Slip, I can't keep holdin' ya up...
Sally: (She runs over to Slip and puts down the tray) Do you really like me?
*Slip tries to form the words, but all he can manage is to nod his head. He smiles at her and finally holds himself up, as Chuck collapses into Sach.*
Sally: Why don't we go out for dinner sometime soon? I have off tomorrow afternoon.
Slip: *Nods, finally finding his voice* I'd like that.
Sally: For now, maybe you ought to go back out there and tell everyone it was only a temporary case of indigestion and you're fine.
Slip: Yeah, I can do that.
Sach: Well, let's get back out there, then! Louie's makin' the dinner, an' he makes the best dinner! 'Specially if there's gonna be banana splits for dessert.
Slip: *Without much oomph* I'm gonna split you later, Sach.
Sach: Just let me have the banana split first, Chief.