(We open with everyone back in the hallway.)

Sach: Sally, do you know where that Sheila lady is?

Sally: I'm assuming downstairs.

Chuck: I hope she hasn't left with Louie.

Slip: And she better not have done nutin' to him.

Sally: I don't think she will. At least, not right now. She's using him to get Mama to cooperate with her. (Shrugs) I don't know why she wants Mama to cooperate with her, but that's what I heard.

Sach: (Thinks) Hmm. You know, someone's been goin' around, askin' Louie to sell his place.

Sally: You think that might have to do with this?

Slip: I'd say the two are lookin' more likely to be related.

Sally: What would she want with Uncle Louie's bar, though?

Sach: Maybe she really likes his sasparilla soda!

Slip: I doubt it. Even I don't like it THAT much.

Sally: (Shushes the boys as they head downstairs) I think this is the main office and parlor.

Slip: Then lets invite ourselves in.

(The group enters the room. It is, indeed, a large parlor-office. Sheila sits behind her surprisingly dainty wooden desk, doing paperwork. She looks up...and her eyes narrow.)

Sheila: What are you doing here? This is trespassing! (Nods at Sally) And how did you find her?

Sach: We found her all tied up in the library!

Sally: No thanks to you, you bitch! Where's my uncle?

Sheila: What do you mean?

Sally: Don't play dumb with me, honey. You kidnapped me and my uncle, and you have him somewhere in this house!

Sach: An' you tried to kill us!

Chuck: Yeah!

Slip: Now why don't you at least pretend to be nice and hand over Louie, hm?

Sheila: I thought you were dead.

Slip: Now why would you think that?

Sheila: Rumor has it that there was a very large explosion in the valley...and you were trapped under it.

Slip: Don't look that way to me.

Sheila: How did you escape?

Sach: Skill and in-gen-uie!

Slip: *Sarcastic* We clawed our way out of the rocks.

Sheila: You should have stayed there. You're nothing but a nuisence.

Sally: What is it you want?

Sheila: Land.

Slip: Is that all? *smirks* And you wanted us dead.

Sheila: (Narrows her eyes at Slip) You were in the way. You're not the fools you make yourselves appear. Especially you.

Slip: I depreciate the compliment, but from you I don't think too highly of it.

Sheila: The moment I call for my guards, I could have the whole lot of you arrested.

Slip: *Folds his arms* Go ahead, call 'em.

(Sheila pulls a bell cord. There's a bell clang, and a whole platoon of servants and goons hurry in.)

Slip: *Smirks* This ain't nutin'!

Sach: (Mutters to Slip) Routine 7?

Slip: *Nods* Routine 7.

(Sach ducks aside as Chuck and Slip run two guys together. Sally grabs Sheila. The two of them catfight, screaming and pulling hair and clothes.)

(Sach slaps his whip around two guys trying to leave and pulls them in.)

*Slip and Chuck continue to use their fists.*

Sally: (She pushes Sheila against the wall) Ok, you bitch, talk. What's goin' on? Where's my uncle?

Sheila: Such manners!

Sally: I don't care about my manners! I wanna know what you did with my uncle, and why you kidnapped us and tried to kill the boys!

Sheila: You were in the way! (Shoves Sally so hard, she goes flying into an armoire) You were all the way! You kept ruining all of my carefully-laid plans!

Sally: (As she makes her way to her feet) What plans?

Sheila: Your uncle wouldn't sell, the blasted fool! I wanted to buy up the town and make it better!

Sally: What do you mean, make it better?

Sheila: I was going to build things! Things that this little one-horse burg had never seen before! I wanted to make his little bar the biggest gambling casino, bar, and restaraunt west of the Missisipi, but he wouldn't give it up!

Sach: (Grabs Slip's shoulder) Chief! She's confessin'! Sally got her to talk!

Slip: I got ears, I can hear!

Sheila: I wanted to make this into a fabulous resort! Wealthy people from all across the west would come here and spend their money on the finest guilded palaces in the world. There would be hotels, restaraunts, shops selling the finest new products...

Sally: But that would put my uncle out of business! And it would attract the criminal element, not repel it!

Sheila: It would also make an obscene amount of money for my corporation. Not to mention be a lot more interesting than this desolate little hamlet.

Sally: But this is our home! We like it here, and we like the town just the way it is! We all do, settler and Indian alike!

Sheila: I'll find you new places to live. The Indians, too.

Slip: We don't want new places. We're stayin' here.

Sheila: Then you'll never find your precious bar owner.

Sally: You bring us to my uncle!

Sheila: If you really are the all-powerful Lone Disarrangers, you'll be able to stop me...before I do this! (She grabs the curtains hanging over the large window and pulls it down over Slip, Sach, and Chuck, then takes off with her remaining men who aren't on the floor.)

Sally: (Helps them out from under the curtain) Are you all right?

Slip: Other than a bruised ego, great.

Sally: We have to stop her! She's going to take off with Uncle Louie!

Slip: She ain't gettin' away! C'mon!

(They hurry out the front door this time and back around to where Lucy's parked in back. Sally frowns as Sach unhitches the horses.)

Sally: Don't you think we should find a speedier vehicle?

Sach: Don't worry! Lucy's special!

Sally: That, she is.

Slip: We still got a few secrets up our sleeves.

Sally: (As Sach hands the horses to Gabe) But...the cart can't go without the horses!

Sach: Yes, she can! (Looks around the front seat) Now, where's those keys?

Slip: *Pulls some keys from his pocket and dangles them* Lookin' for these?

Sach: Yeah! Thanks! (Hugs Slip, then sticks the keys in a hole in the front; a motor in the front of the carriage starts making noise)

*Slip just rolls his eyes.*

Sally: That's a horseless carriage?

Slip: Yeah, it is. Like it? (Grins) These boys can work some minor miracles.

Gabe: I'll let Mama and the others know to follow the horseless carriage, instead of staying in town.

Sach: Ok, for everyone who's still here, all aboard!

Sally: (She climbs in the back) Is this safe?

Chuck: *Also climbs in* We wouldn't be getting in if it wasn't.

Sach: Sure! We've only tested it... (Frowns and looks at Slip) Chief, have we tested this yet?

Slip: Now's a better time than any.

Sally: You haven't tested this yet?!

Sach: We ain't had time!

Sach: Ok, now which lever gets this thing going... (Pushes one between him and Slip) Oh, here it is! (Suddenly, Lucy shoots forward and onto the wide, open prarie!)

Sally: (She leans between Sach and Slip) Did you see where she was headin'?

Sach: No... (Points to a larger, covered carriage ahead of them) I think that's her!

Slip: Full speed ahead, Sach!

(The horseless carriage speeds ahead. When it's just about up to the carriage, we hear gunshots.)

Sach: (As he ducks) Whoa! They ought to watch what they're doin' there! They could hurt someone!

Slip: Yeah, like us!

Sally: (She pulls a gun out from under a tarp) Well, if they think they can take us out, they have another thing comin'!

Sach: (Points as someone dumps a barrel of tar out the door of the carriage) Oooh, Chief, watch out! (He pushes a button...and the carriage lifts on its wheels over the tar)

Slip: *Grabs onto whatever's nearest* The next thing we're installin' is seatbelts if you keep drivin'! *steadies himself and draws his gun* All I need is a target.

Sally: (Points the gun at the carriage) I'm going to try to take out the wheels. I'd rather avoid shooting at something that can move. We don't want blood.

Slip: We'll shoot 'em out together.

Sach: Yipes! (Points - now it's a bucket of nails they're tossing out)

*Chuck quickly leans forward and pushes a button. A broom pops out of the front and brushes the nails away.*

Slip: Hold 'er steady, Sach! *takes aim at a rear wheel*

(Slip shoots out the back right wheel. Sally gets the left. The carriage crashes to the ground. The crash spooks the horses so much that they break away from the carriage and takes off...dragging the coachman with it.)

Slip: This is what I've been waitin' for. *jumps out of Lucy and heads for the carriage*

Sheila: (She jumps out of her carriage. Three men holding the bound and gagged Louie are with her) Don't come any closer! (One of the men holds a knife to Louie's throat) Or he won't live to serve another round of beer to thirsty cowboys.

Sally: NO! Uncle!

Slip: *Stops but takes aim* Let him go.

Sheila: This is pointless. We could go on all afternoon. (Narrows her eyes) I'll take you on for him.

Slip: You got it.

(Louie's eyes widen. She shakes his head and starts to squawk under the gag...but one of the men roughly pulls his head back.)

Sheila: (Takes a gun from one of her men) This will be at 20 paces.

Slip: *Smirks* Only 20?

Sheila: 50, then.

Sally: (Shakes her head) Slip, I don't like this. She'll do something dirty, I just know it!

Sach: Me too.

Slip: Yeah, I know it, too, but we gotta do som'en to get Louie back, even if this is only enough to distract her.

Sach: Distract her! Yeah, someone's gotta distract her boys, make sure they don't try nuthin'.

Slip: It's up to you to keep an eye on her. *goes to get into place*

Sach: (Nods) Chuck, you n' Sal keep an eye on the guys holdin' Louie. I'll watch the cliffs.

Sheila: (She turns to Slip with her own pearl-handled six-shooters) Well? Ready?

Slip: I'm always ready.

Sheila: Ok. I must warn you, I've been taking shooting lessons from some of the finest shots in the United States for years.

Slip: Do I look worried?

(Sach is watching the cliffs. His eyes widen when he sees two men poke their heads out of the cliffs and aim straight for Slip! He smacks his whip against a boulder. It knocks the boulder down. The boulder sends other, smaller rocks down onto the cliffs. Two of those smaller rocks hit the men over the head and knocks them out.)

Sally: Watch out! (She shoots the canyon where two more men sit - it brings rocks down on them)

Sheila: Say your prayers, you little bastard! (She shoots at Slip. Louie yelps at the top of his lungs under his gag.)

*Slip doesn't shoot. He drops to the ground on his stomach and shoots above Sheila. It severs a tree limb, which drops on Sheila.*

Sheila: Shit! (The tree limb falls on top of her just as we hear hoofbeats. Mama, Butch, and Whitey arrive in a smaller cart. Gabe is on horseback with a whole platoon of men in US Calvary uniforms.)

*Slip gets up and dusts himself off, smirking.*

Mama: Louie! (She and Sally hurry over to him and untie him) Are you ok, Papa?

Louie: (Nods, hugging his wife) Yeah, I am. But boy, did I get scared! When they hijacked us from the stagecoach, I thought that was the end.

Sach: (He and Chuck haul the dirty and dishevled Sheila out from under the tree limb) Good thing we stopped next to one of the only trees in the area. It kept Sheila from hurtin' the Chief!

Butch: She's the Black Falcon?

Slip: *Rejoins them* Yeah, she is. She admitted everything, from stealin' land to tryin' to kill us.

Mama: (Nods at Gabe) Our Federal Agent here told us the rest. She tried to get her boys to beat on him to make him talk, but apparently he didn't spill. (Turns to Slip) He told me everything. Including the Lone Disarrangers.

Louie: The Lone Disarrangers? (Nods) You know, I still think you boys look familiar...

Sally: (Rolls her eyes) Uncle, they're Sach and Slip!

Louie: (Snaps his fingers) No wonder you boys look familiar! (Frowns) But, why...

Mama: (Crosses her arms) You know, I don't look down on you boys as much as you think I do. In fact, I'm proud of the whole lot of you. You saved me, my husband, and all of Bowery Canyon.

Sach: Did ya hear that, Chief? Mama's proud of us!

Slip: 'Bout time. *gives a half smile*

Louie: You'll all get free banana splits when we get back and you've talked to Mama and Marshal Cornwall.

Sach: Oooh, free banana splits!

Louie: All you can eat for my heroes!

Slip: Now that's what I wanted to hear!

Mama: (Grins at Chuck) And I'd say this would make a fantastic article, wouldn't it?

Chuck: More than fantastic!

Louie: Real front-page news. (Pats Gabe and Slip's shoulders) You could get exclusive interviews with a federal agent and the Lone Disarrangers themselves.

Sach: I've never been on the front page before!

Chuck: *Steps between Slip and Sach* Ready when you guys are.

Slip: *Nods to Sach* Talk to him. *turns to Sally* There's someone else I'd like to pay a little attention to first.

Sach: Oh boy! (Turns to Chuck) Take this all down. My name is Horace DuBussy Jones, with a big J, and I'm a Lone Disarranger...

*Chuck grins, writing as quickly as possible.*

Slip: *Moves next to Sally* Uh, Sally...

Sally: (Laughs as Chuck and Sach walk off) Sach is something else. (Takes Slip in her arms) And you...I owe you my life, and the life of my uncle. (Kisses him deeply)

*When they separate, Slip is grinning widely. His mouth moves, but nothing is said.*

Sally: (Laughs again) Well, what do you know? The Lone Disarranger is speechless!

(The screen gets wavy as the two kiss again. When we fade back in, we're back at Louie's Sweet Shop. Sach and Slip are dressed in their regular clothes. Sach is still reading the book.)

Sach: (Finishes) "....The End." (Puts the book down) Well, Chiefy, what do you think? Wasn't that a good story?

Slip: *Nods* Yeah, it was, Sach. For once, you were right. *sighs* I just wish I had another chance wit' Sally...

Sach: (As Sally comes back in) Don't look now, Chiefy, but here comes your second chance.

Sally: (Smiles) Hi, Slip.

Slip: H...hi, Sally. Yer back early.

Sally: (Sighs) He suddenly got called on another assignment. (She smiles at Slip) Besides, I like men who actually talk to you. All he wanted to talk about was himself and being an FBI agent.

Slip: *Mot really sorry* Gee, that's too bad. *Pauses and smiles at her* Uh, Sally, you don't suppose...

Sally: Wanna go get a bite somewhere that doesn't serve ice cream? My uncle already thinks I'm gone.

Slip: *Gets up* Then let’s both be gone together. *over his shoulder to Sach* Hold my calls, Sach.

Sach: Sure, Chief! (Looks around) Where should I hold them?

Sally: (Chuckles) You're crazy, Sach.

Slip: Put them under yer hat.

Sach: And proud of it. (Grins at Slip) Ok! (He shoves a rag under his hat and continues to read his book)

Sally: (Shakes her head and takes Slip's arm) Shall we?

Slip: *Pats her arm* Indubiously.

(They stroll out together, leaving Sach to his book as we fade out.)