*We open on a cloudy day in the Bowery. Louie's Sweet Shop is open for business, but the business isn't too forthcoming. The boys are crowded around a table while Louie wipes down the counter. Sally the waitress is stacking glasses.*

*Whitey, Chuck, and Butch have sodas. Sach is reading a book. Slip sits with his arms folded and an unhappy look on his face.*

Butch: Aw, come on, Slip. So we weren't able to keep the uranium.

Chuck: It isn't like we really lost anything.

Sally: (Over her shoulder) Not like some of your ideas. Uncle Louie is still cleaning up the back room from the escort service AND the laundry service.

Slip: Those were literate ideas.

(Sally just snorts and returns to her glasses.)

Whitey: Too bad all you guys have to show from the uranium is blisters.

Butch: At least the Indians were nice enough to give us gas to get home, even if Sach didn't wanna keep the Chief's daughter.

Slip: An' I gave 'er up.

Chuck: How were you supposed to know, Slip?

Louie: (Turns around to wipe down the table next to the boys) That's right. She seemed like a nice enough girl, but I don't know if she could have handled the Bowery.

Butch: And didn't the old prospector tell us those great stories about all the pioneers who went out west? That alone was worth the blisters.

Louie: I enjoyed those stories myself. Sitting under the stars, listening to stories handed down from generations to generations...

Whitey: Yeah, he did have some great stories!

Sally: (Grins at Louie) You heard them when they were first told, right Uncle?

Louie: Sure, I di... (Realizes what Sally said; the boys all snort and laugh) Uh, no! I'm not THAT old, at least, not yet.

*Slip just rolls his eyes.*

Sally: (Pats Louie on the shoulder) That's all right, Uncle. You'll always be my favorite boy. (She kisses him on the cheek.)

Louie: (Pats her hand) You're such a good girl, Sally. I wish you could find a nice man.

Slip: Just call me chopped liver.

Sally: You're not chopped liver. Slip. I'm sure you'll get another great idea in a few seconds.

Slip: I ain't in the mood right now.

Louie: Besides, the uranium mine was my fault. I'm the one who bought it.

Slip: Who's friend offered it to ya?

Louie: I knew him too, Slip! (Shakes his head) You blame yourself too much for things that aren't your fault. You have to stop doing that.

Butch: He's right, Slip.

Slip: I coulda save us a trip that weren't necessity.

Butch: But hey, we had a good time, right? Heard some great stories.

Chuck: It wasn't all for lost.

Louie: And how many ordinary Bowery schmucks like us have met real Indians?

Butch: Yeah! Those Indians were real nice, too!

*Slip just sighs.*

Whitey: *Shrugs* Wish I coulda gone with you guys.

Sally: How's that new job at the radio repair shop going?

Whitey: Great! I actually like what I'm doing.

*Slip hmphs.*

Butch: I'm lookin' for a job playin' piano for a little bar down in SoHo. Real artsy crowd, but they pay pretty well.

Chuck: Yeah? That's great!

Sally: Chuck, how's the newspaper racket these days? Did they like your article on digging for uranium?

Chuck: They loved it. I made it in the first section this time!

*Meanwhile Slip is slouching lower in his chair.*

Louie: How about you, Slip? You doing anything lately, besides looking for uranium?

*Slip just looks up at Louie briefly, then sighs, shifting his gaze back to the table.*

*A man enters the Sweet Shop, wearing a long coat and matching fedora. We walks right up to the boys' table and slaps Slip's shoulder.*

Gabe: Hiya fellas!

Louie: Gabe! (He and the others all go over to him, except for Sach, who is lost in his western novel) Where have you been? We haven't see you around here in ages.

Sally: Hi there, Gabe.

Chuck: Good to see ya, Gabe!

Slip: Where you been hidin'?

*Whitey gives Gabe a hug.*

Butch: Hey, man, what's with the outfit? Trying out for "Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar?"

Gabe: *Grins* No, no, I'm a G-Man! FBI.

Slip: *Blinks* You're what?

Louie: That's wonderful!

Butch: Wow, man!

Sally: How did that happen?

Chuck: That's fantastic!

Gabe: Hard work and study, my friends.

Butch: Where's your badge?

Gabe: *Flips open one side of his coat and reveals his rather large badge* Right here.

Slip: I don't believe it.

Sally: It looks great!

Louie: (He hugs Gabe now) I'm so proud of you. Our Gabe, a real FBI agent, like on TV.

Gabe: I'm even better than that, Louie!

*Slip leaves the group surrounding Gabe to slump back into his chair at the table next to Sach, who still hasn't budged from his book.*

Sally: Do you have your first assignment yet?

Gabe: Already had it. Matter of fact, I've already had a half dozen assignments.

*Slip groans.*

Sally: Oh, that's wonderful! (She takes his arm) It must be very dangerous work.

Gabe: It is, it certainly is. *smiles at her* How have you been, Sally?

Sally: Me? Oh, I've been fine. Watching Uncle's store, like always.

Gabe: And watching you're Uncle, too, I'm sure.

Louie: Since when do I need watching?

Gabe: Since when don't you?

Sally: Since Aunt Gertrude is away for two weeks to visit her sister in Queens. (Sighs) I wish I hadn't been at Macy's Bargain Basement the day you bought the uranium mine. I might have been able to talk you out of it.

Louie: I don't know there, dear. That fellow was mighty persuasive.

Gabe: What uranium mine? What did Slip get you into this time, Louie?

*Slip groans again.*

Louie: Oh no, this one was purely my fault. One of the former neighborhood kids sold me the deed to what we thought was a worthless uranium mine. It turns out there was uranium in the mine, along with some other minerals too, like copper, but it was on an Indian reservation. We did get to make some new friends and hear wonderful stories of the old West from a fine old prospector. He decided to continue looking for minerals in the area to call his own.

Gabe: Well, can you really blame me for assuming it was Slip's idea?

*Slip hmphs again.*

Sally: Not really. Slip gets some interesting ideas.

Louie: He'll figure out something someday. (Pats Slip's shoulder) He's a very bright boy.

*Slip mutters something.*

Gabe: I hate to break this off, but I don't have much free time. *takes Sally's hand* I was hoping to treat you to dinner.

Sally: If Uncle doesn't mind.

Louie: (Nods) Why not? We haven't been busy. The boys can help me. Take the rest of the afternoon off. It's not often you get to go out with an FBI agent.

Sally: (Unties her apron) Ok. Thank you, uncle. (Hangs her apron behind the counter and takes Gabe's arm) Shall we go?

Gabe: *pats her arm* We shall. See you later, fellas. Thanks, Louie! *they head out*

Butch: Would ya look at that? I guess those FBI guys really do get all the girls.

Louie: I hope they have a nice time.

Chuck: I'm sure they will.

Whitey: It sure was nice to see Gabe again.

*Slip scoffs from the table.*

Louie: Yes, it was. (Looks around) Why don't you boys take Sally's job stacking glasses and organizing the candy counter? I'll finish these tables.

Butch: (He jumps up) I'll do the candy.

Whitey: I'll stack glasses!

Chuck: I'll help ya with the candy, Butch.

Slip: I'll sit here and be worthless.

Louie: Why don't you do something with yourself besides be worthless? (He tosses him a rag) Here. Wash the counter. And see if you can get Sach to go through the cookie inventory and remove the stale ones. And tell him not to eat the whole batch again.

Slip: *Waves the rag* You actually trust me to not screw up som'en like this? *tosses the rag down* I ain't in the mood.

Louie: I think you can figure this one out, at least. It'll make you feel better to actually move, instead of mope.

Slip: I ain't mopin'!

Louie: Then what have you been doing all day? (Shoves the rag in his hand) Just do it. For me. And get Sachula moving, too.

Slip: *Turns to Sach and tosses the rag in his face* Louie wants ya to clean.

Sach: (Jumps as the rag lands on him) Oop! But Chiefy, I'm not done with my book yet!

Slip: You've had yer nose stuck in that book all day. What's so great about it, hmmmm?

Sach: Chiefy, it's a great western saga! (Shoves it at him) Why don't you read it while I clean?

Slip: I ain't in no mood to read.

Sach: Ok, then. I'll tell you the whole story. (Picks up the book and opens it) Chapter One...