(We fade back in on Louie's. Sach is snoring away on Slip's shoulder. Duke yawns.)
Duke: ...And that's it. Who wants to finish this sucker? It's getting late.
Butch: (Yawns; he's nodding off himself) It ain't gonna be (big yawn) me.
Chuck: Can I finish?
Slip: *Yawns* Knock yerself out.
Chuck: Our next stop is the jungle...
(Fade out on Louie's. Fade in on the air again. The plane is now more than a little full. Everyone now wears their costumes from the desert sequence or "Jungle Gents.")
Sach: Are we there yet?
Bobby: (Looks down) Yeah. I think we are. Guatamala, right, Whitey?
Whitey: Right. Oh, boy, this is it!
(Bobby swoops into a clearing in what otherwise just appears to be jungle. What they don't see is another plane parked near-by. Bobby lands with a slight "thump!" Everyone files out when the plane is on the ground. Bobby and Sach help a slightly green Slip out.)
Sach: Are you ok, Chief? You look like a cabbage I found in the sewer once.
*Slip slaps a hand over his mouth and runs off to the side. We hear sounds of loss of food.*
Bobby: Should have warned him about those air pockets.
Sach: (Leans over Slip) I told you not to eat that baloney and pickles on rye sandwich this afternoon, but would you listen to me?
*Slip groans loudly and shoves Sach away just before he loses what's left in his stomach.*
Chuck: Sach! Get away from him! *Drags Sach away*
Sach: Well, I told him!
Duke: You ok now, Slip?
Slip: Just...keep that crazy maniac...away from me.
Duke: Will do.
Sach: (Makes a face) You're not bein' much fun anyway. (He goes to Whitey) Come on. We've got the map. Let's find that treasure.
Whitey: Yeah!
(We cut to the group trekking across the jungle. Whitey and Sach are leading, followed by Chuck and Butch and Duke and Gabe hacking away at the brush. Slip and Bobby bring up the rear.)
Duke: Whitey, are we almost there? All I see is trees.
Bobby: (Pushes a branch aside) Yeah, and they keep banging us in the head.
Whitey: We're very close.
Sach: I don't see any treasure! All I see is... (he runs smack into something solid) ouch! Chuckie! Chiefy! Oh, my poor nose! (He turns to Butch and Chuck) Does it look bent?
Chuck: No more than usual.
Butch: (He, Gabe, and Duke join Whitey) What did he run into?
Whitey: A wall.
Duke: (Pulls the Spanish moss and ivy draping the wall away to reveal markings that look like holes) This must be where the keys go.
Sach: (Wails) But we don't have all of the keys!
Chuck: Would you look at that?
(Suddenly, we hear a gunshot over Sach and Whitey's heads. It hits the rock as everyone dives away. DuVal, now wearing khakis, a leather jacket, and a fedora, storms over. The women, both in khaki and pith helmets, follow him, along with several goons.)
DuVal: I knew it. You fools lead us right to the treasure.
Sheila: (She eyes Duke and Gabe) I already found some treasure. I don't need the baubles.
Gabe: *To Duke* Have you ever felt like a piece of meat before?
Duke: No, but I think I'm learning quick.
Sheila: (She goes between Duke and Gabe) I want to keep these. They're so manly!
DuVal: Sheila, please control your hormones!
Duke: (He pushes Sheila off of him) Could you stop handling me?
Gabe: And just plain get away from me.
Sach: Can't we talk this over?
Butch: Yeah! You have the keys we need!
DuVal: And you have the keys we need. So if you'll just hand them over...
Butch: But you don't know how to get them in!
Butch: (Turns to Chuck, who runs his fingers over the holes in the wall) Chuck?
Chuck: There's a pattern...
DuVal: Tell us, then!
Chuck: *Glares at DuVal* Not without your keys.
DuVal: If I give you my keys, do you promise to split the treasure 50-50?
Sheila: What?!
Sach: Hey!
Chuck: It's the only way, guys.
Whitey: I'm just glad we got this far!
DuVal: Well...here. (Hands Chuck his keys...and crosses his fingers behind his back where Sheila and Zelda can see.)
Chuck: Thank you. *Collects the rest of the keys. He returns to the holes in the wall and puts them in with a star pattern.*
Butch: They look kind of like a lever or something!
Sach: (He pulls at a key - the star moves) Hey, this thing moved! (He pulls harder, but it barely moves) It's heavy!
Butch: (He grabs the next part) I'll help!
Sach: Come on, guys! Everyone grab somethin'!
Chuck: Everyone help!
(Chuck, Slip, and Whitey take the other keys. They pull the keys around in a circular motion. Suddenly, there's a click. We hear a grinding noise...and the "wall" seems to rumble to life!)
Sach: The wall's movin'!
DuVal: Here it comes...
(When the wall moves, all we get at first is a glimpse of darkness. The entire group walks through a tunnel. Butch, who is first with Whitey and Sach, shines his light ahead.)
Butch: Look, everyone! There's daylight!
(Indeed, they emerge into the courtyard of what was once obviously a huge city. Sheila points to the largest ruin.)
Sheila: That must have been the king's palace. I wouldn't be surprised if the treasure was there.
Sach: (Sniffs) What's that funny smell? And why is it so... (he runs to what appears to be a lake of boiling gold) ...hot? Wow! Chiefy, look at this!
Slip: That's gold! Ain't that som'en?
Bobby: (He hobbles over) Holy cow!
DuVal: (Makes a face) We can't take that out of the city.
Sach: An' we can't eat it. It don't smell good.
DuVal: It would probably burn your hand off if you tried.
Butch: (He runs over to the others) Guys, I think Whitey, Zelda, an' Chuck found the entrance to the palace!
Sach: The treasure!
DuVal: Finally.
Butch: (He brings the others over to the largest, most elaborate of the ruins. It's surrounded by gardens over-run with jungle flora and crumbled fountains) This is it! Whitey n' Chuck read the writin' on the walls!
DuVal: Well, boys? Where is it?
Chuck: It's in the center of the castle, guard by Queen Tiki's curse. The gold cannot leave the palace.
DuVal: I don't believe in curses. Besides, Queen Tiki died centuries ago. That gold belongs to me...us.
Sheila: I want to see the blasted gold.
DuVal: Take us inside, Professor and great explorer.
Butch: (Mutters to Chuck) I don't like this. DuVal has something up his sleeve.
Chuck: I'm sure of it.
Whitey: Come on, everyone! *waves everyone to follow him*
(They do follow him. Unlike the other buildings in the Lost City, the Palace is fairly well-preserved. There's dust and cobwebs, but most of the building and furniture is intact. And almost all of it seems to be covered in gold or precious gems. Whitey leads them to what appears to be another thick wall.)
DuVal: I think I can open this one. (He shoots at the heavy, tarnished gold bars on the door. The rusted hinges open instantly.) Thank goodness gold is soft metal.
(They all enter the room...a room filled with treasure of all kinds. There's warped wooden chests spilling over with gold bricks and gemstones. There's huge necklaces, bracelets, anklets, and earrings. There's more gold furniture.)
Sheila: Oh my... (She picks up a necklace that covers half her considerable chest) Oh my god...
Butch: Wow!
Sach: I've never seen so much gold in one place!
DuVal: Now that we have the gold... (Pulls out a gun) We have no more need for most of you.
Duke: Watch it, pal.
Butch: Jerk!
Sheila: I want the American agents. They'll be lovely additions to my collection.
Duke: What do we look like, dolls?
Gabe: To her we do.
DuVal: Zelda, would you like to keep any of these?
Zelda: *Smirks at the Mahoneys* I'd love to.
DuVal: And I'll need the Professor and Jones. Their knowledge of chemistry and archeology might come in very handy.
Sheila: (Smirks) That leaves Mr. Jordan as the expendable one.
Bobby: No way!
Butch: What about me?
Sheila: (Smirks at Zelda) Could we use a private musician? He's a little young for me, but he's not unattractive for a child.
Butch: I AM NOT A KID!
Zelda: I think we could use one.
Butch: I won't!
Bobby: Butch...
DuVal: I'm going to take that shipment you owe me out of your crippled hide, Jordan!
Bobby: (Growls) Don't call me that! (He lunges for DuVal, but two of the men kick him in his bad knees. He screams and falls to the ground. Duke and Slip lunge for them at once, but are held back.)
Sheila: I think I know a very interesting way of getting rid of him. I heard some natives covered their prisoners of war in gold or molten metals. (Smirks) Perhaps we could eliminate our little problem that way?
Duke: (Snarls) You crazy bitch! You're insane!
Bobby: NO!
Gabe: You can't do that!
Slip: *Struggles* Lemme go!
DuVal: Let's take him outside. I think this will be quite amusing.
Butch: (Gulps and turns to Chuck as the others are shoved outside) What are we going to do?
Chuck: We'll get him. Come on.
(Cut to outside. Four men hoist Bobby into the air. He's bound tightly with rope, his knees pulled into an awkward position. His eyes are watering with pain.)
DuVal: (He smirks and bows before the tightly-bound young man) Farewell, little pilot. It's a shame we have to hasten your demise, but we do have some gold to collect.
Bobby: I'll haunt you until the end of your days, DuVal.
DuVal: We shall see, boys. (Turns to three men working a pulley over a tree) Ok, lift him!
(Bobby is hoisted into the air over the molten gold pit and slowly lowered closer and closer to the gold.)
Butch: We've gotta do somethin', Chuck! Bobby's a good guy! He doesn't deserve this!
Chuck: *Calls out* Routine two!
Sach: Ok! (He grabs a branch, pulls it back...and lets it floor three guys at once.)
Butch: Tree fight! (He grabs another branch and knock two guys into the mud with it.)
(Duke grabs a long, thick vine and uses it as a whip, pulling goons off their feet and into the mud.)
*Slip dives for and tackles DuVal.*
Butch: (Points to Bobby, still hoisted in the air half-way over the molten gold) We've gotta get him down!
Chuck: We'll go work the pulley. *to Duke and Gabe* You guys stop the women!
Duke: Why us?
Sheila: (Smirks) Yes, stop us. Please do.
Duke: Well... (he grins and grabs Sheila) if we must... (He dips her and kisses her very hard)
*Gabe goes to Zelda. He also dips her and kisses her hard.*
Duke: (He finally sets a panting, dazed Sheila down next to a tree and makes a face) Lady, lay off the perfume, would ya? You taste like you bathe in the stuff.
Sheila: Um-hmm....
*Gabe lets Zelda slump down next to Sheila. She has a dumb grin plastered on her face.*
(Chuck and Butch haul Bobby over to dry ground. The two young men untie their friend, who is sweating and shaking a bit.)
Bobby: God...my legs hurt...haven't hurt this much since the war...
Butch: They really worked you over!
Chuck: That's just wrong, what they did to you.
Bobby: (Chuck and Butch help him to sit up) This is what they do...to guys who cross them...lucky to be alive...
Butch: Those guys are rotten!
Chuck: Is there anything we can do to help you feel better?
Bobby: Yeah. Get those jerks, before they try to take that gold out of the city.
Butch: We can do THAT.
Chuck: And gladly. You'll be okay here?
Bobby: (Nods as the boys help him to his feet) Yeah. I'll find wherever Sach and Whitey are hiding and stay with them.
Chuck: *Nods* Okay, Bobby.
(Bobby hobbles over to where Sach and Whitey hide behind several large boulders.)
DuVal: (Two of his goons finally grab Slip as he gets to his feet) Hold onto him...and find the other boys. I don't care what the women say. I want them all dead. (Smirks) Now I'm going to get what's coming to me. (He heads into the castle.)
Slip: *Struggles* Let me go!
Duke: (He and Gabe hurry over) Chuck, they have your brother!
Butch: DuVal went back in the castle!
Chuck: We gotta get Slip!
Duke: (Nods at Gabe) You three rescue Slip. I'm gonna go after DuVal. (He hurries into the castle before anyone can stop him.)
Gabe: *Grins* I wonder if there will be any of DuVal left when he's done.
Butch: I doubt it. Duke's eyes looked like they were on fire.
(One goon pulls Slip's arm further behind his back. The other two lean over Gabe and Butch menacingly.)
Butch: (Points to his right) Look, there's Marilyn Monroe!
*Slip grunts, trying to slide from the goon's grip even as his attention is diverted.*
(Butch wallops the goon in the side; he doubles over and lets Slip go.)
*Gabe decks the other goon with a right hook to the jaw.*
Butch: Are you ok, Slip?
Slip: Yeah, fine.
Sheila: (She and Zelda have gotten to their feet; she smirks at Gabe) I do love a forceful man. It looks like we have these pigeons right where we want them.
Zelda: Uh huh.
Sheila: (She puts up a gun) I'm afraid you boys are going to have to come with us.
Butch: Ladies, it's over.
Sach: (He and Whitey creep out from behind the rocks and put their hands over the ladies' eyes; he whispers in his deepest, most manly voice into Sheila's ear) Guess who?
Sheila: Oooh! I don't know, but I hope you look as good as you sound.
Whitey: *Grins and whispers to Zelda, though his voice doesn't get half-way as deep as Sach's* Hello, cutie.
Butch: (Smirks and mutters to Gabe) I don't believe this. It's working.
Gabe: This is a sight we may never see again.
Sheila: So, where have you been all my life?
Sach: The Bowery, my darling.
Zelda: *Starts to turn to Whitey* And how about you?
(That's when Chuck and Gabe karate-chop the women's hands. They both drop their guns. Chuck and Gabe grab them.)
Sheila: (Rubs her wrists) You asses, you tricked us!
Sach: Fair's fair, lady! You've tricked us a couple of times!
Sheila: We ought to knock YOU into the molten gold!
Sach: I don't feel like swimmin' in that stuff!
*Suddenly, a loud rumbling is heard.*
Bobby: (He hobbles out from behind the rock) Sach, tell me that was your stomach.
Sach: It weren't me!
Whitey: *His eyes widen* The curse!
Sheila: But...but that's not real!
Bobby: Sounds real to me!
Whitey: It IS real! Someone's tried to remove the gold!
(DuVal hurries out, carrying a load of jewels and gold in his arms. He has a gun in one hand. Duke follows him. The rumble continues.)
Duke: Are you crazy, DuVal?
DuVal: I'd be crazy to not leave with this!
Duke: You know what the curse said!
DuVal: Superstitious fiddle-faddle. (He points the gun at the women) Don't anyone follow me.
Sheila: Bela, what are you doing?
DuVal: I'm ending this partnership, ladies. This deal is too good to share.
Zelda: But...
Bobby: DuVal, if you leave with that treasure, we won't be personally responsible for what happens.
DuVal: (The rumbling continues the further out he moves) Ok, so you won't. You'll be dead, starting with Jordan and Mahoney the Elder, both of whom have been thorns under my side for too long.
Sach: (We hear a massive rumble and a cracking noise as DuVal reaches the entrance to the Lost City) Um, Chief?
Slip: We'll finish this outside. RUN!
(Most people manage to get through the tunnel before the walls come tumbling down. DuVal isn't so lucky. He's so busy trying to grab more gold, he doesn't see a rock coming in his direction. He looks up and screams...and we cut from the darkness he sees to the darkness of the tunnel as the others tumble out. Sach is carrying Bobby.)
Slip: *Looks around* Everyone all right?
Chuck: *Brushes himself off* I think so.
Bobby: Thanks, Sach. (As he sets him down on the ground and flops down himself, he points to the wall they came in) Holy cow! (The wall now seems to be nothing more than a tumbled mass of stone and brick as the last of it falls in, sending dirt and debris everywhere.)
Sheila: Everyone isn't here. We're missing DuVal
Whitey: *Shakes his head* The curse got him!
Sheila: More than likely his own greed got him.
Butch: (Makes a face) What are we going to do now? We came all this way for nuthin'!
Sach: Not quite. (He grins and pulls a small box out of his pocket) Whitey and I saved some old stuff. It ain't fancy or gold, but Louie might like it.
Whitey: *Nods* It's something.
Bobby: You know, antiques can get a real good price, especially if they're rare. You might actually be able to get more for those boxes and weapons and pottery than you would for the gold.
Whitey: That's partly what we're hopin'.
Duke: And now... (Takes his gun and points it at Sheila) you and the other lady are under arrest for grand theft and espionage.
Sheila: There's no proof.
Bobby: There's nine witnesses.
Sheila: Surely you wouldn't arrest a lady?
Duke: You ain't no lady, and neither's she. (Nods at Zelda)
Bobby: (He hobbles over to Chuck and Butch) Guys...thanks for rescuing me. I owe you my life.
Sach: Chuckie got us into the Lost City, too!
Chuck: It was nothing.
Sach: You done good! (He gives Chuck a huge hug)
Butch: That's right.
Bobby: We all done good.
Slip: Good job, fellas.
Sach: (Squeezes Chuck) When we get together, we're unstoppable!
Chuck: *Coughs* Can't...breathe...
Sach: Oop! Sorry, Chuckie! (He drops him as the other guys laugh and Sheila and Zelda groan.)
(Fade out on everyone laughing. Fade in on Louie's again...only this time, sunlight streams through the windows. All of the boys are scattered throughout the main room. Bobby is passed out on the counter. Everyone else has their head on tables or booths. Slip sleeps on a booth, and we see Sach's legs sticking out of the phone booth. Louie and Sally enter the room, both in coats and hats.)
Sally: Isn't this lovely?
Louie: (Makes a face) Not exactly the way I wanted to kick off 1951. (Smirks as well as his round face can) You get the pots and the spoons. I'll get the pans. We'll drop them in the middle.
Sally: Gladly, Uncle.
(Louie goes to the back room and emerges with several pans. Sally pulls pots and spoons from under the counter.)
Louie: Ok. You ring the pots. I'll drop the pans.
Sally: Right.
*Sally starts banging a spoon loudly on a pot.*
(Louie climbs on top of the table in the middle of the room, between a lightly snoring Chuck and Butch, and drops the pans on the floor.)
*Sally walks around doing so in everyone's ears.*
Bobby: (He pushes Sally away...then groans as he sits up) I don't know what hurts worse, my head, my knees, or my back.
Duke: (He winces as he looks up, bleary-eyed) Ok, what truck ran over me?
*Sally leans into the phone booth, banging away happily. Chuck throws his hands over his ears, groaning.*
Sach: (He jumps up, groaning) I knew it! My head's gonna explode!
Sally: *Grins* You're going to be just fine, Sach.
Louie: Let me get the new boy, here. (He grabs a spoon and bangs a pot near Danny's ear - he somehow managed to pass out on the ceiling fan.)
*Danny wakes with a start, then a yelp as he falls from the ceiling fan and lands with a thud on the floor.*
Danny: *holds his head* Boy, do you guys know how to party...
*Sally goes to Slip on the booth. She leans over and plants a big kiss on him. He doesn't react at first, but as the kiss lingers, he awakens and pulls her farther into the kiss.*
Danny: *Grins, watching the kissing* Now that's the way to wake up. *falls over again*
Butch: (Groans and holds his head) Chuck, am I dying?
Chuck: I dunno. I think I am. *groans*
Duke: (Squints at Gabe) Gabey, my boy, where are we? (Sniffs himself) And why do I smell like I bathed in a bottle of cheap champagne?
Gabe: *Groans* I don't know, but I feel awful.
Sach: (Pokes Whitey, who is slumped over his radio) Whitey? You ok? Are you alive? (Groans and rubs his head) I ain't sure if I am.
*Whitey whimpers, then groans.*
Louie: (He turns to Sally, who is still kissing Slip) Sally dear, I think he's awake.
Bobby: (Smirks) They're both enjoying that way too much. (Makes a face - that smirk hurt) Ow.
Danny: *Without sitting up; sing-song* Slip and Sally sitting in a tree! K-i-s-s-i-n-g! *giggles*
Sach: (Looks over the booth...and puts his hands over his eyes) Oop! I'm too young to be watchin' that. That's gonna get us censored.
Chuck: *Looks over briefly* What a way to wake up.
Duke: (Stumbles over with Gabe, grinning) Now that's startin' the New Year right.
Gabe: *Nods* Uh huh.
Louie: (He leans over the two and grins) Happy New Year, you two.
Slip: *As they part briefly; breathless; looking at Sally* Happy New Year...
Sally: (Also breathless) Yeah... (They return to kissing as we fade out on a blue "Happy New Year!" banner surrounded by balloons and confetti.)