*We open at Louie's on New Year's Eve. Most all the table are full of party goers, many of them familiar. Some faces are familiar from other places. Several of the boys are singing and swaying...or what they would call singing. Slip watches from his seat at the counter, making a face.*
Sally: (She grins at him; wears a New Year's tiara) They're sure having a good time, aren't they?
Slip: I ain't seen them have a better time since last New Year's Eve. *Shakes his head* Still think we shoulda charged ammunition for this shindig.
Sally: I don't know about that. Half of these guys are broke.
Slip: An' I don't know who half of that half are. I dunno where Sach meets these people.
*We suddenly hear a very loud voice singing "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt" in a mock German accent.*
Slip: *Turns to Sally* Got 'ny ear plugs behind the counter?
Sally: I gave my last bunch to Duke.
Slip: How about some handkerchiefs?
Sally: I only have one, and Sach used it twenty minutes ago to blow his nose.
Slip: *Makes a disgusted face* Never mind.
Sach: (He stumbles up to Sally and Slip, swaying and singing) "There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, da da da da da daahhhh!" (Turns to Slip and Sally) Ain't that guy great? He's a great singer, an' boy, is he funny!
Slip: Sach, look me in the eye. *Grabs Sach's shirt and pulls him up to him* What've you been drinkin'?
Sach: (Hiccups and almost sways over Slip) What were you sayin' again, Chief?
Slip: *Waves his free hand in front of his face* Never mind, I just got a whiff. *sighs* Do ya think you an' yer friend over their could quit singin'? Yer givin' me a headache.
Sach: Aw, you just don't know how to have a party.
*A red-headed man slightly taller than Sach stumbles over and throws an arm around Sach.*
Sach: Dan! My buddy! My pal! How's your New Year's Eve? Did ya like Louie's wine?
Dan: Like the wine? I loved it! *hiccups* Does he have more? I'm not done singin' yet!
Slip: Yer both shut off.
Dan: Shut off? I don't have a light switch! *starts turning around like he's looking for one*
Slip: Sach, you sure this ain't some not-so-long-lost brother of yers?
Sach: I only wish! I love this guy! (Puts his arm around Dan)
Slip: *Shakes his head; turns to Sally* Where's Louie at? I ain't seen him for a while.
Sally: (She points at her uncle) Here he is!
Louie: (He holds a bottle of wine in one hand and a champagne glass in the other; his party hat tilts drunkenly over one eye) Slipula, isn't this the best New Year's Eve party you ever had? Everyone's havin' so much fun!
Slip: *Sighs* Louis, not you, too.
Louie: Not me too what? (Burps loudly in Slip's face) Excuse me.
Sally: Uncle!
Slip: *Coughs* Thanks.
Dan: That was a good one! Try this! *burps loudly*
Sach: Nahh, you gotta do it from the diagram. Like this. (Burps VERY loudly)
Slip: Ain't there anythin' ELSE we can do that ain't so loud!
Sally: I'm not hearing this.
Duke: (He joins them...and he's sober) Hi, everyone. (Moves AWAY from Sach's breath) Whoa! I smelled that from over here. Now I know where all the champagne went.
Slip: Into these two an' Louie.
Duke: I was just about to tell you guys that Guy Lombardo's gettin' ready to count down to New Year's.
Sally: That means it's time for our yearly New Year's kiss!
Slip: *Grins at Sally* It's about time.
Dan: *Eyes light up; he grins* Kiss? *gives Sach a kiss on the cheek*
Sach: (Gives Dan a shove that almost knocks him on the floor) Aw, go on!
Bobby: (Calls out from the radio) Guys, this is it! They're counting down!
Everyone In Unison: 10...9...8..7..6..5...4...3..2...ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sally: Happy New Year, honey. (She gives him a big kiss.)
Slip: *Grins as they pull away* Happy New Year, Sal. *gives her a big kiss*
Sach: Happy New Year, Chiefy! (He throws his arms around both of them) I love you guys!
Slip: If you kiss me, Sach, yer gonna get a fat lip.
Sach: No way! I only kiss girls. I don't think you're a girl. Are you?
*Slip growls at him.*
Sach: Ok, you're not a girl.
Louie: Well, I had a wonderful time. But Mama's got blintzes on the table for me, an' then I'm gonna give her her New Year's kiss, an' then, we're gonna sleep until half-past February. You guys know where to put everything and how to close up.
Slip: Yeah, Louie, we'll take care-a it.
Louie: Good. I trust you. I don't tell you boys often enough, but you're like my own children. I don't know what I'd do without you.
Sach: Have a lot more banana splits.
Slip: *Ignores Sach* You get goin', Louie. We don't want Mama mad at ya.
Louie: Thank you, Slipula. Have a nice New Year's, boys! (He heads for the stairs to his and Mama's apartment)
Sally: Uncle's a good man.
Slip: Yeah, he is... *turns to the others* which is why I don't want you fellas makin' a mess of this place.
Sach: (Burps again) Who, me? (Turns to Dan) Did you make a mess?
Dan: No, I feel fine.
Sach: (He sits on a table) I don't feel like leavin', anyway. I'm too excited.
Duke: (Mutters to Slip) He's too drunk.
Slip: None of these guys're leavin'.
Bobby: (Shrugs) I don't feel too bad, but I don't feel like going to sleep, either.
Butch: (Turns to Chuck) How about you? I'm game for hanging out if you are.
Chuck: I am.
Sally: Well, I'm not. (Yawns) I'm going home to bed. Are we still on for dancing next Friday, Slip?
Slip: We sure are, Sal. *kisses her cheek* Have a nice night.
Sally: You too. Happy New Year! (She walks out, whistling "Auld Lang Syne.")
Sach: (Whistles) Boy, Chief, you two sure are crazy about each other!
Slip: *Sighs* Yeah, we are.
Dan: That's so sweet! *proceeds to bawl on Sach's shoulder*
(Sach pats Dan's head.)
Whitey: *Joins the others* Can we tell a story?
Sach: I love stories! That would be fun!
Bobby: Why not?
Butch: I'll bet we could come up with a great one.
Chuck: Sounds like fun.
Duke: What kind of a story?
Gabe: We could all take turns telling something.
Sach: Oh boy! This sounds like fun!
Butch: Who wants to start?
Whitey: I will! We start on the grounds of an academy with an important graduate...
(We fade out on Louie's Sweet Shop. Fade in on what appears to be a office filled with books and an old-fashioned globe. Louie sits behind the desk, looking scholarly in small spectacles and a nice suit. Whitey stands in front of him, also in a nice suit.)
Louie: My boy, you have no proof that the Lost City of the Hatamatas exists!
Whitey: But, sir, I've been doing my research & have a good idea of where it is. All I need is the chance to find it!
Louie: All right. I'll give you one last chance. I don't want you and those crazy buddies of yours to get tangled up with that gang again.
Whitey: Oh, thank you, sir! We'll stay far away from them!
Louie: You do that. And don't forget, New York University gets a share of whatever loot you find.
Whitey: Of course, sir! *bows, then heads out*
Louie: (Sighs) He's a good boy. I just hope the other boys he hired can stay out of trouble. (He returns to his paperwork was we fade out.)
(Fade in on outside the large brick-and-stucco building. Sach sits in Lucy, with lots of digging equipment in the back.)
Sach: Well? Did ya get the grant?
Whitey: *Nods as he climbs in the car* I did! He wasn't too happy about it, but I talked him into it.
Sach: Wonderful! We've gotta meet the other guys and celebrate! (He starts up Lucy the Jalopy, who backfires noisily)
Whitey: *Yelps* Sach! Oh, haven't you fixed that yet?
Sach: I fixed it! She's runnin', ain't she?
Whitey: I meant the noise!
Sach: What noise? (He leans over and yells at a car that almost rear-ended them) Hey! Watch where you're goin'! You don't own the road, buddy! (Turns to Whitey...but he's not there) Whitey? Whitey, my pal, where are ya? (He looks down...and sees Whitey hiding as far down the seat as he can. Sach pulls him back up) What are you doin' down there? The seat's up here!
Whitey: But it's safer down there!
Sach: What's wrong with up here? There's great scenery, and smell that clean air! (Takes a deep whiff...and hacks up car exhaust)
Whitey: Sach, watch the road!
Sach: What do you think I'm watchin', "I Love Lucy?" 'Course I'm watchin' the...YIIIPPEES! (He just barely manages to miss an old lady crossing the street) Geez, lady! If you go any slower, you won't be goin' at all!
*Whitey whimpers, again hiding as far down as he can.*
Sach: (They pull up next to a slightly run-down house) Well, here we are! Did we lose anyone back there?
Whitey: *His eyes barely peek over the dash* D...did we m-make it?
Sach: Yeah, we made it. Home sweet home!
Sach: (Grabs Whitey's arm) Come on! A couple of old friends of mine are in the back. They're gettin' our equipment together in my garage. Yes, I made them promise not to touch the chemistry set. I'm the only chemical genius around here.
Whitey: Will you let them drive?
Sach: If they wanna drive, sure! (Grins) Come on! You'll love these guys!
(He drags him into the garage. It's filled with lots of odds and ends - radio and mechanical parts, chemistry tubes and beakers, shelves of tools, and crates and boxes filled with this and that.)
*We find Slip and Chuck gathering tools and equipment. They look up as Sach and Whitey join them.*
Sach: (Puts his arms around the two men in khaki shirts and jeans) Whitey, these are my dear friends Slip and Chuck Mahoney, the best explorers in the business.
Slip: An' you must be the little guy gettin' the okay for us to go explorin'.
Whitey: *Nods* Uh, yeah, that's me.
Sach: These guys can find anything. They can even find lost socks.
Whitey: That might just come in handy.
Sach: They're gonna be the head of our crew to find the Lost City, along with us, of course. (Makes a face) I just hope that nasty Sheila don't find out about the map an' try to steal it. (Nods at Slip and Chuck) Maybe it's time we showed these guys the map. Whitey told me they found it in some dusty box molding away at the university. Used to belong to some professor who went to Africa and got lost there. They sent all his stuff back, but he didn't come with it. Professor Dumbrowski told me that.
Whitey: *pulls the map out of his jacket pocket* Here's the map.
Sach: (Points to one long blue streak) Wow, that's the widest river I ever saw.
Whitey: That's blueberry jelly, Sach. I had a donut earlier and accidentally got some on the map.
Sach: Oh. (Grins at the others) Isn't this great, guys? A real treasure map! It's gonna take us all over the world!
Chuck: I can't wait!
Sach: Why don't we celebrate tonight?
*We fade out on the four and back in on Whitey as he finishes his part.*
Whitey: So who'd like to go next?
Butch: Me! I wanna go next! (Waves his hand wildly)
Sach: Aw, let's let the kid go next. He wants it.
Whitey: Go ahead!
Butch: Thanks, guys! (He turns to the room in general) Well, the guys decided to celebrate at the fanciest nightclub in town...
(We cut to what appears to be the "Bowery Palace" set from "Blues Busters." All of the guys wear tuxedoes. Sach grins at all the pretty waitresses in short black skirts.)
Sach: Look at this place! Girls, girls, girls everywhere! Chuck, I'm so glad you suggested it!
Chuck: Well, that isn't the only reason. I have a buddy who works here.
(That "buddy who works here" becomes apparent as we walk into the main room and see Butch playing a lively instrumental version of "Rainy Night In Rio." As he finishes, he stands and bows for the crowd, then heads for the boys' table.)
Butch: Hi, Chuck! What brings you here tonight?
Chuck: Wanted to find out if you'd be interested in joining us on a little trip.
Butch: (Sits down with them) What kind of a trip?
Whitey: We're searching for a lost city!
Butch: (Eyes widen) A lost city! Really?
Sach: Yeah! We're gonna go everywhere and all over the world!
Butch: Is the pay good? I have a pretty decent job going here at the nightclub...
Whitey: If we find the city, we'll be paid. There's said to be reaches galore there.
Butch: Wow! Count me in! I could afford to buy my own nightclub!
(Cut to the front door. Three familiar figures enter as another man, a redhead in a white tuxedo, comes onstage. The tall, coldly handsome blond man wears a black and white tuxedo. The red-headed woman on his arm wears a long, dark-green gown with a tight bodice and a tulle skirt.)
*A shorter, brunette woman follows the blond man and red-headed woman. She wears a dark purple gown with a medium-tight bodice and slim skirt cut to the thigh.*
*Meanwhile, the red-headed man on stage begins a song full of tongue-twisters.*
Sheila: (As the matre 'd pulls out a chair for her; the man does Zelda's) What a charming place this is!
Zelda: Yes, it's lovely. *her gaze moves around the room*
DuVal: (Makes a face) Those little asses? All they did when they worked for us was cause trouble.
Sheila: I won't argue with that...but they were good at their jobs.
*Zelda nods in agreement, now gazing at the two in question.*
DuVal: Zelda, weren't you...involved...with the smaller one?
Zelda: I tried to be.
Sheila: I told you not to try so hard! You need to be more subtle with men like that.
Zelda: I've tried the entire range.
Sheila: Perhaps you could try again tonight. (Nods at Whitey) I've read about their blond friend in the newspapers. He's supposed to be trying to raise money for an expedition to find the Lost City of the Haramatas. I'd love to find more out about that. That city is supposed to contain a vast...and very expensive...treasure. If we could sell it on the black market...
Zelda: I see. *smirks* I'd love to try again.
DuVal: I'd love to never see those little bastards again.
Sheila: I think they might be useful, if they could be...persuaded right. Shall we greet our old friends, Zelda?
Zelda: Let’s.
Butch: (Frowns as Sheila and Zelda make their way over to the boys) I know those women. I've seen them at other night club I've worked at. They like to goose the help.
Sach: (He frowns, too, at Slip's expression) Chief, what's wrong? You look like you're about to blow your top!
Sheila: Hello, gentlemen. Well, well, what a fine group we have here. I haven't seen you in ages, Mahoney Junior and Senior.
Slip: We prefer it that way.
Sheila: Who are your...interesting...companions?
Butch: Bartholemew Williams. I work here.
Sach: Horace DuBussy Jones. My friends call me Sach, but you ain't my friends.
Whitey: Whitey Johnson.
Sheila: I heard you were going on a trip to find a Lost City.
Sach: Who told you?
Sheila: Oh, one hears these things. I would very much like to go with you.
Sach: Nothin' doin'!
Slip: An' we'd very much like to leave ya behind.
Sheila: Come now. Zelda, Mr. DuVal, and I could provide you with all the supplies and competent manpower you need.
Sach: What do we look like, canaries? We got money!
Sheila: (She smirks at Slip) And I'm sure Zelda would love to get reaquainted with your brother.
Butch: You knew her, Chuck?
Sach: From the look on his and Slip's faces, I'll say they didn't like it.
Sheila: Oh, they had a wonderful time!
Chuck: Did not.
Sheila: That's not what Zelda told me.
Butch: (Narrows his eyes) Leave him alone.
Sheila: My my, the child is quite feisty.
Butch: I'm not a child!
Sheila: What do you say, boys? Either you come with us, or we join you.
Slip: Ferget it.
Sheila: We'll just have to do this the hard way. (She snaps her fingers; a group of large, burly men appear at hers and Zelda's side) Gentlemen, we need to take these men outside for a little persuading.
Butch: No way! (He turns to the orchestra) Cover us! Play something snappy! (He then turns back to the goons as one reaches for Chuck) Get your hands offa him! (He hits him as the band launches into "Thumbelina," from "Hans Christian Anderson.")
(Sach runs for the stage. He grabs a horn and starts blowing into it...until the musician who owned it grabs it back.)
(Two goons lunge for Chuck and Slip; another makes a grab for Whitey.)
*Slip dodges his goon, then punches him in the back. He then goes to help Chuck, who isn't having as easy a time fighting off his goon.*
(Butch joins Slip. He grabs a guy reaching for Slip and throws him over the bar and into the shelves behind it!)
(Sach goes up to the guy singing "Thumbelina" and tries to back him up with the horn.)
*The red-headed singer grins...then proceeds to whack a goon who gets too close in the butt.*
(Sach kicks another goon in the rear...and keeps playing the horn at the same time.)
(Butch and Chuck double-team anyone who gets close to them.)
Butch: (Turns to Chuck as the music ends) Maybe we ought to get outta here. I don't think those ladies wanna take "no" for an answer...not to mention, my boss won't like it if we trash this place.
Chuck: *Nods* No kidding.
Butch: Where's your brother?
Chuck: *Sighs* Still fighting the goons and enjoying it way too much.
Butch: You think he'd kill us if we dragged him outta here, before we have to take him to the hospital?
Chuck: He might, but that's a chance we'll have to take.
Butch: You get his right. I'll get his left.
Chuck: On three, and be prepared to duck.
Butch: You got it.
Chuck: One...two...three! *grabs Slip's right...and ducks*
Butch: (As he does the same) Ok, Slip, we're gettin' outta here...while there's still a here left!
Sach: (Joins them) Remind me to take trumpet lessons as soon as we come back from findin' the Lost City. I really like that guy.
Butch: Anyone seen Whitey?
Whitey: *Peeks out from under a table* Is it safe?
Butch: (Grins) Yeah, it's safe. (He and Sach help him up) But it won't be for much longer if we don't get going.
Sach: Are you ok, Whitey? Did they hurt ya? (Dusts him off)
Whitey: I'm okay. I hid almost right away.
Sach: Good for you! That's a smart man.
Butch: (Sees Sheila point them out to a man in a simple gray suit) Uh-oh. I think that's my boss. I think it's time we go outta here.
Sach: (Nods) I don't wanna end up in jail!
Slip: Let’s get outta here, fellas.
(They take off just as Sheila, DuVal, Zelda, and their goons reach the door.)
Sheila: Damn it! We have to follow them. I want to know more about that Lost City.
DuVal: They're going to need transportation. We'll contact all of the major airlines and as many of the smaller ones as we can.
Sheila: (Looks at Zelda) You know them best. Where's the first place they'd go if they needed transportation outside of the United States?
Zelda: They've got a friend who's a flyer. I bet they go to him.
DuVal: We'll look into that.
Sheila: I know several freelance flyers who have done some...underground...work for us. I wouldn't be surprised if he was one of them.
DuVal: And there's several who have outstanding debts to me. Yes, we'll start there.
Sheila: Come along, everyone. We're already behind them.