*We begin at Louie's. Louie is working behind the counter. Chuck, Butch, and Danny sit at the boys' usual table. Danny has a huge banana split in front of him, but he's only picking at it.
Butch: Aw, come on, Dan! You usually have a much better appetite than this! What's the matter?
Louie: What's the matter with your friend? I thought you said he liked good ice cream!
Chuck: He usually does, but we had a little issue while on the cruise.
Louie: How little of an issue? He looks like his best friend died.
Danny: Nobody died, Louie. I sorta fell for a girl the fellas warned me about.
Chuck: Okay, so maybe it isn't THAT little.
Louie: What kind of a girl?
Chuck: Zelda London.
Louie: Oh, THAT kind of a girl. The boys are right, Dan. Stay away from her. She's nothing but trouble. She'll chew you up and spit you out...and then happily do it all over again. She and that monster she works for wouldn't know how to love one of the rugs they sell!
Danny: But, when I went out with her initially, she seemed so sincere! So maybe she was over zealous, but she really did seem to like me, which is more than I can say for any other girl.
Louie: How hard can it be for you to find yourself another girl? There's thousands of girls in New York! Surely it couldn't be hard for you to choose one who would love you a lot more than that Zelda London.
Butch: That's what we've tried to tell him!
Danny: You guys don't know the history I have with girls. *puts his head in his hands* I'm a disaster looking for a place to happen.
Chuck: You don't give yourself credit. You've got so much great things going for you. What could be so wrong?
Danny: *Looks up* A horribly irrational fear of women.
Butch: Hey Dan, remember our friend Sach? You wouldn't think he's the type who'd have girls standing in line to get at him, but he never has any trouble getting dates when he looks hard enough.
Danny: Yeah, but Sach also has his Ronald Coleman impersonation going for him. Me, I just lose it. I even lost it when Zelda was just sitting next to me. But she still has nice things to say, and I don't often get to the point of hyperventilating to find out their reactions. And that was when you guys walked in.
Butch: You have a lot of things going for you too, Dan! You're smart. You're a great singer. You can do some pretty darn good impressions of your own. Your jokes leave me in stitches! You can play the piano, dance like Fred Astaire, and use a sword like Errol Flynn.
Danny: And I completely clam up around girls.
Chuck: So maybe you just need more practice around girls.
Danny: Excuse me?
Butch: Yeah! You just need to go out on more dates.
Danny: *Starts breathing heavily* More dates?
Chuck: Yeah, our girlfriend have friends.
Butch: (Nods) And some of our friends have sisters, too. Sach has more sisters and brothers than most people have relatives.
Louie: My niece is engaged to a nice boy, but my brothers and sisters have unmarried children who might be interested in a good fellow like you.
Danny: *He’s breathing harder* Really, I appreciate what you're trying to do... *groans as he puts a hand to his forehead* I'm already feeling lightheaded, and there isn't even a girl here.
Chuck: We're setting you up and that's it.
Louie: I'll get you some peppermint soda. Maybe that'll clear your head. (He goes to the counter and sets up the drink.)
Butch: You need this, Dan. You can't keep moping about Zelda for the rest of your life.
Danny: All right, fine.
Chuck: Good.
Danny: But I can't promise I won't completely lose it.
Louie: What if we set you up with one of my waitresses?
Chuck: That's a great idea, Louie.
Waitress: Hi, fellas. (She's a small, cute blond with lots of curls, a round face, and large blue eyes) Hi, Louie. Where's Sally? Out with Slip again?
Louie: (Nods) Sally said they were going out to Connecticut to look at farms. They're still talking about getting a farm someday.
Waitress: I think they're a little crazy. I'd go nuts on a farm! I can't imagine livin' anywhere but the city.
Chuck: It's been one of Slip's dreams for years.
*Danny's picking at the banana split again, ignoring the waitress.*
Waitress: (Nods at Danny) What's eatin' him?
Louie: He's a little shy around girls. Maybe you could help him, Kathy.
Kathy: (Smiles) Sure, why not? He's kinda cute. I think I saw a guy on TV once who looked like him. Dog trainer on the Ed Sullivan Show.
*Danny looks up a little, but he's still picking at the ice cream.*
Kathy: (She goes to Danny) Say, sugar, you don't say much. Cat got ya tongue?
Danny: N-no, I-I'm f-fine.
*Chuck rolls his eyes. Give me a break.*
Kathy: You don't look fine, toots. You look like you're gonna pass out. Maybe you need somethin' for your blood sugar?
*Danny looks to the guys, frowning.*
Butch: He's not too good with women, Kath.
Kathy: Aw, why not? I don't think we're such a bad lot.
Danny: I-it's n-not a-anything p-personal.
Kathy: Maybe I could help you feel better.
Chuck: Isn't that nice of her, Dan?
Danny: Y-yeah, n-nice... *fans himself*
Kathy: How about a date?
Danny: I... I...
Chuck: He says yes.
Kathy: Great! I have to work tonight, but how about we meet here for a late lunch tomorrow? Maybe around 2? By that time, the lunch crowd will be gone.
Danny: Oh-okay.
Kathy: I've gotta go help Louie in the back. I'll see you then! (She gives him a hug and hurries in the back room.)
Louie: So, what do you think, Dan? Isn't she a nice girl?
Danny: *He's almost hyperventilating* She's...nice...
Louie: You look like you're going to be sick! (Hands Dan the soda) Here's that peppermint soda. Drink it, and you'll feel better.
Danny: *Takes a long sip, then another* Oh, fellas...I can't do this! I almost passed out when she hugged me!
Chuck: You're gonna be fine, Dan. Can't you have just a little faith in yourself?
Danny: Over fear? No.
Butch: It's just a date, Danny. It's not like the rest of your life.
Danny: But it could be... *he slumps back in the chair, out cold*
Chuck: Oh, for goodness sake!
Louie: How long do you think it'll take to revive him?
Chuck: Who knows?