(We open onstage. Sally and Sach are in the same places we saw them in the end of the second part. This time, Sally wears a black dress with a white ruffled collar, a ruffly white apron, a white cap, and black heels. She carries a feather duster and is dusting the room. )

Sally: (Looks up) Oh, the guests are here! (Sach continues mixing drinks. Sally speaks louder.) THE GUESTS ARE HERE! (Sally goes over to Sach and gives him a shove) Hey Dawson, go do your job and open the door! (Mutters to Sach) You keep forgetting your cue!

Sach: (Mutters) Sorry, Sal. I'm hungry. (He goes to the door and opens it, revealing Slip and Chuck. He smirks) Oh, sorry, wrong house. (He shuts the door in their faces.)

Slip: *From the other side of the door* Open up, you mutton head!

Sally: (Mutters) Sach, that wasn't funny...or in the script. (She goes to the door) I have it! (Opens it, revealing a very annoyed set of Mahoneys) I'm sorry, gentlemen. Our butler Dawson thinks he has a sense of humor.

Slip: Perhaps I'll have a word wit' him about it later.

Chuck: We're the private eyes. I'm Wendell Johns. This is my brother Anson.

Sally: You must be here on that mystery the Master was talking about. He's afraid someone's out to steal his newest invention...and maybe that (makes a face) little ward of his, too.

Sach: He can HAVE her! She's nuthin' but trouble.

Sally: (Nudges Sach; goes on) What he means is that our (makes a face and tries to keep from gagging) sweet Cynthia has been receiving strange letters. They came around the same time someone made the first attempt on the Master's life.

Slip: Where are those two right now?

Sally: The Master is in the drawing room. Cynthia is upstairs, preparing for the party. (She leans over the table and pulls out a pack of envelopes) Here's the letters. Someone's been claiming that the Master stole his idea for his latest invention.

Slip: Let’s see these... *goes through the envelopes*

Sally: The first one came about three weeks ago.

Sach: (He holds a bowl out to Chuck) Peanuts, sir?

Chuck: No, thank you.

Sach: Good! More for me! (He starts shoving peanuts in his face.)

(She makes a face again) We're having this party tonight to find out which of the Master's friends sent those letters. It just has to be one of them! They're all pretty odd characters.

Slip: We'll question them all and figure out which one did this.

(Whitey and Zelda come in next. Zelda wears her white dress with the blue sash from earlier. Whitey wears a maroon smoking jacket and black trousers, his hair slicked back as much as it can be.)

Sach: Ooop! Gotta announce the Master. (He goes next to Whitey and Zelda) The Master an' Miss Cynthia are here, folks. That'll be all. (Returns to his peanuts.)

Whitey: Late again, uhh... *whispers to Sach* what's your name?

Sach: (Mutters) Dawson. I think.

Sally: Hello, sir. The private detectives you hired are here.

*Zelda goes over the the Mahoneys, getting between them. She latches onto Slip. Slip immediately scowls.*

Zelda: Save me!

Sally: (Gets between Slip and Zelda) Now, Miss Cynthia, this nice private detective is here to help you. He probably already has a girl.

Zelda: Maybe she ain't good enough for him and he'd rather defend my life!

*Chuck rolls his eyes.*

Sach: (He pulls Zelda over to the buffet table) Why don't you have some peanuts, Miss Cynthia? Or some of those little hot dogs that come out of a can?

Zelda: *Low* I don't want food. I want him.

Sach: (Mutters to her) You know, you ain't supposed to fall for him until later in the show.

Zelda: Too bad. It's love at first sight.

Sally: (Turns to Whitey) Master, why don't you explain your problem to these gentlemen?

Whitey: Uh, right, my problem, uhh... *points at the letters in Slip's hand* Trouble!

Sally: (Nods) Yes, the letters. The one that claimed you stole the idea for your new Invention.

Whitey: Right, but I didn't steal nothin'!

Sach: Yeah. (He slaps Whitey on the back) My Master wouldn't steal!

*Whitey is taken by surprise with the slap. He goes stumbling, ending up sprawled on the floor.*

Sally: (She and Sach run to Whitey) Oh! Master, are you hurt?

Sach: (Mutters) Sorry, man. Didn't mean to knock 'ya over.

Whitey: I'm okay. The floor broke my fall.

Sach: (Pulls Whitey back on his feet) Sorry, Master! Sometimes I don't know my own strength!

Sally: (We hear the door again) Dawson, there's the door. Why don't you go get that? (She gets between Slip and Zelda) Would you like a cocktail, Mr. Wendall?

Dawson: No way! I'm eating! (He grabs a cocktail sausage)

Sally: Sach!

Sach: Fine, fine. (He opens the door...and shoves a cocktail sausage under Bobby's nose. He wears a leather jacket with patches and a sheepskin collar, tan trousers, and heavy black boots.) Hi! Wanna sausage?

Bobby: (Sighs and limps in) Hello, Sa...Dawson. Major Robert Harrison has arrived.

Sach: Oh, right. (Calls out) Hey Master, the Major just showed up! Wanna give him a drink or somethin'?

Bobby: (He goes to Whitey) Hello, Professor. It's been a while. (Mutters to Whitey) What's going on? I know Sach's lines weren't in the script. And why is that Zelda chick trying to sit in Slip's lap while he's standin' up? I know she was pretty bad durin' rehearsals, but nuthin' like this!

Whitey: *Shrugs and mutters to Bobby* I can remember my own lines. I don't know what the others are doing.

Sally: Miss Cynthia, why don't you go mix yourself one of those darling little drinks you love? (Mutters) And hopefully choke on it.

Zelda: I don't want a drink right now. *smirks* Though I might want a cigarette later.

*Slip's scowl deepens.*

Sally: Very well, Miss. (Mutters to herself) I hope it sets you on fire.

Bobby: (Turns to Slip) Who are you? I don't remember seeing you at any of the officer's gatherings.

Slip: Private Investigator Anson Johns. We was invited for reasons other than the party.

Bobby: I hope no one's done anything too terrible.

Sach: (We hear more knocking) Man, it's gettin' busy! (He opens the door. Cut to what Sach sees - an eyeful of Whitey's girlfriend Marsha in a very tight cream-colored sequined gown and high heels. Her own blond hair has been teased and fluffed, and the dress emphasizes her not-inconsiderable bosom. Butch's girlfriend Jane is next to her, looking a bit mousier in the maroon suit the female Slip wore in "Bowery Boys Will Be Girls" and big glasses, her hair back in a prim bun.)

(Sach takes one look at Marsha and just can't help himself. His rubber lips go triple-time.)

Sally: Hello, ladies. Come in. (Raises an eyebrow and mutters to Marsha) How'd you get in that dress, with a shoehorn?

Marsha: (Mutters back) Jane helped zip me up in the back. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to bend over in this thing!

Bobby: Wow! (Grins and points at the ladies) Get a load of that! Professor, look 'it her!

*Whitey does get a load of her...and can't stop.*

Sach: (As he finally remembers his lines) Oh...yeah! Miss Carlotta Craisen and her private secretary, Miss Sarah Pilsner, have just arrived.

Marsha: (Grins and goes up to Whitey) Hiya, handsome. You know, Professor Keller, you look amazing in that suit. (Whispers to him) You and I have gotta ask to keep this stuff on for the cast party later. We'll knock 'em dead.

Whitey: *Nods quickly and repeatedly* Uh huh!

Marsha: (Brings Jane over) And this is my secretary, Miss Jane Pilsner. I just hired her a few days ago. I needed someone to keep track of all my appointments and movie commitments.

Bobby: You were a very popular radio singer during the war, weren't you, Miss Craisen?

Sally: (Nods) Yes, but that was a long time ago. I went to Hollywood after that, and it's just been one picture after another!

Sally: I remember you, Miss Craisen! Didn't you make a couple of big tours of war sites to entertain the troops?

Marsha: (Nods) Yes. The boys just loved me. (Grins and poses) I looked dynamite in uniform.

*Whitey nods quickly and repeatedly again.*

Bobby: (Whispers to Whitey) You ain't actin', are ya? You're really gone.

Whitey: *nods again* Uh huh...

Sach: (We hear more knocking) Oop! It's sure gettin' busy here! This is startin' to look like the stateroom scene in that Marx Brothers movie "A Night at the Opera." (He opens the door to reveal Rachel in a simple black gown with long sleeves and a black hat with a veil) Hey, are you goin' to a funeral? No one here is dyin'.

Rachel: No. My husband died several weeks ago.

Sach: Sorry to hear that, ma'am. (He lets her in) Mrs...sorry, Miss Elizabeth Hemlochen.

Rachel: (Goes to Chuck and grins) Hello there. I didn't know there was going to be any new blood at this party.

Marsha: I'd be careful. Rumor has it that she was barely done with the old blood before she went after the new. How many husbands have you had, Hemlochen?

Rachel: Mine or other women's?

Marsha: Yours, dear.

Rachel: Just five.

Sally: You know, Professor Keller, maybe you ought to show your new invention now. (Elbows Whitey) Whitey! Wake up!

Whitey: *Whispers* I'm awake!

Sally: Mind off Marsha's assets and on the show, ok?

Whitey: I'm tryin'.

Sach: (He's starting in on the clams casino) Yeah! Let's see that crazy thing you invented, Professor!

*Whitey pulls a pen-like object from his jacket pocket.*

Whitey: *Flicks a button; a red dot appears on the across wall* It's a laser pointer.

Marsha: Wow! (She purrs and leans close to Whitey) You sure are somethin', Professor!

Bobby: Does it cut through anything?

Sach: I wanna see!

Sally: Dawson, you've seen it many times.

Sach: So what? It's still nifty!

Rachel: It's amazing, Professor!

*Whitey's distracted by Marsha again.*

Bobby: (Nudges Whitey) Show us what it can do, Professor!

Whitey: Huh? Oh, what it does...uh, well...it points! *demonstrates it again*

Sach: Can I play with it? (He tries to grab it from Whitey.)

Whitey: *Pulls it away from Sach* Mine!

Sach: (Makes a face) Ok, ok! Don’t be so grabby ‘bout it!

Bobby: What about the letters? Someone claims that really isn't your invention, Professor.

Whitey: Yes, it is!

Sally: Why don't we all adjourn to the dining room and discuss this over dinner?

*Zelda still has her hands on Slip.*

Sally: (Squeezes herself between Slip and Zelda again and grabs Zelda) Why don't you and your guardian lead everyone into the dining room? I'll help the guests.

*Zelda gives Sally a dirty look.*

Sally: (Mutters to Slip as Zelda flounces off to Whitey) This is one place I wish someone would stick to the script! What's with her?

Slip: Pushin' her weight around...on me.

Sally: Well, don't let her. I think there's somethin' goin' on. Have you seen Butch or Scruno since the show started?

Slip: No, I ain't. An' she's always tryin' to go on me.

Sally: She's hiding something, or she wouldn't be so eager to jump in your lap. She and Sheila are up to something.

Slip: *Folds his arms* She's done it before.

Sally: There's been something wrong with this from the beginning. Why did they want us to perform in this, and you to direct? Sheila could hire anyone she wants!

Slip: I dunno. I'm almost wishin' we hadn't gone for the jobs.

Sally: Well, there's nothing we can do about it now. We're here and onstage. We just have to keep Zelda and Sheila from causing more trouble.

Slip: No kiddin'.

(Everyone is now in the dining room. Like the parlor, it's a large room with lots of older furnishings. This is joined by a long table set with fancy crystal, linen, and china.)

Sach: (He pulls out the chair for Jane; Whitey does Marsha) Ok, everyone, take a seat. (Sits down between Zelda and Slip.) So, when do we eat?

Sally: (Pulls Sach out of the chair) Dawson, you forget your place again. We're the servants. We eat in the kitchen.

Sach: Can't I just have a little soup?

*Zelda slides over next to Slip.*

Bobby: (He grabs the seat that Sach just vacated) Is this taken, Miss Cyntha? Thanks. (Sits between Slip and Zelda) My, Miss Cynthia, but you have changed since the last time I saw you! You were barely a child then!

Zelda: *Makes a face at Bobby* Why, you little...

Bobby: (Mutters to Zelda) Don't even try it, lady. I'm not dumb. I've seen you jumpin' all over my friend all week.

Zelda: So? I don't care. I'm gonna keep trying it.

Bobby: You've got somethin' in mind, other than Slip's parts.

Zelda: *Shrugs* Parts are enough.

Bobby: (Out loud) So, little Cynthia, tell us what you've been doing since I last saw you. Still helping your guardian with his work?

Zelda: Of course! He loves it when I help out.