(We open at Louie's Corner Tavern. Louie is behind the bar. Sally wipes glasses. Her friends Rachel, Jane, and Marsha serve customers, avoiding wandering hands. Suddenly, we hear some loud, happy caterwauling outside.)

Sally: (Grins) They're here, Uncle!

Louie: I heard that ten minutes before they pulled up at the door.

(The "they" in question turn out to be the Boys, singing and cheering. Everyone but Bobby carries a burlap bag over his shoulder.)

Louie: I see you had a good haul on this one.

Sally: Who did you get it from this time?

Slip: *Shrugs* Doesn't matter.

Sach: We got them from a ship that was a hundred feet long!

Buddy: (As he drops his bag) Yeah, and it had a hundred men on board!

Duke: We skewered every one.

Sally: You guys couldn't skewer a marshmallow without sticking yourselves.

Sach: I can skewer a shish-kabob!

Louie: What did you bring this time?

Sach: (Drops his bag) Bags of nifty fruit! (He pulls out an orange) Look at this! When you peel it, it's all juicy!

Butch: (Drops his bag and pulls out a roll of cloth) The finest cotton from plantations in the Indies. (Hands a bolt to Jane) For the prettiest lady in all of New York.

Slip: If this don't help out the poorer folks, I dunno what will.

Sally: (She puts an arm around Slip) I really admire you. You and the others are doing so much for the people of New York. (She gives Slip a kiss)

Slip: Just doin' what's best.

Louie: Drinks are on the house for everyone! And look! (He pulls out mugs and pours them with what looks like spoonfuls of hot brown liquid) I created a new drink from the chocolate and spices you gave me from the Mexican ship. Anyone for some Hot Chocolate? (Hands Slip a mug) How would the Captain like to try the first sip?

Slip: Thank you, Innkeeper.

Sach: Well, Slip? Is it good?

Louie: (He's already mixing more) I sure hope it is. It smelled good.

Slip: *Finishes the mug* Make it in large batches, Louis.

Louie: You bet, Slipula. (He starts pouring the drinks) I'm proud of you boys, too. You've brought so many people hope.

Marsha: And we love all the cloth and pretty dresses you've brought us! (Turns around in a fancy green gown) How does this look, Whitey? (The cleavage is extra-low.)

*Whitey's jaw drops, but he nods approvingly...and perhaps maybe a little too quickly.*

Duke: (Shuts Whitey's mouth while he nods approvingly himself) Close that, son. You'll catch flies.

Sally: Slip, did you catch our messenger with the note about the ship that pulled out yesterday? It's supposed to be laden with goods going to England, things like lumber and apples. We could give those to people to fix homes, and Uncle could use the apples for cider.

Slip: *nods* Yeah, that's why we came back with this stuff. Didn't wanna run out of room for it all.

Sach: Oh boy, we've been hitting good raids every day!

Butch: We sure appreciate all the tips you've given us.

Duke: Yeah. We never have problems knowin' what ships are goin' where.

Sally: (She kisses Slip again) But I'm glad you're back in port. You can finally take me for a ride in the country, like you promised.

Louie: And you can help me out in the store. Everyone's been wanting to hear stories of your travels.

Slip: We can do that, too.

Sach: Yeah! You wouldn't believe the things some of these guys do to keep their stuff!
Bobby: Or how many we've thrown overboard with help of Sach's driving.

Sach: Yeah... (frowns) Hey!

Buddy: We're the most famous pirates around!

Duke: Yeah. They still laugh at us...before we poke them in the balls, haul them off the ship, and take their booty.

Sach: An' DuVal don't know a thing about it!

Bobby: We're giving those things to the people who should have them - the people.

Sally: (Smiles at Slip) And I have the sweetest captain on the seven seas.

Slip: Sweet? Aw, Sal...

Louie: Ok everyone, drinks are on the house! Anything you want!

Butch: All right!

(But Louie never gets a chance to give out more drinks. Suddenly, men seem to burst into every window! More come in through the doors.)

Sally: What's going on?

Butch: I know these guys! They look like DuVal's men!

Slip: We're bein' raided.

Sach: (He runs behind the counter) Go get 'em, Chief! Knock 'em into next Tuesday!

Louie: Get out of my tavern, all of you!

Sally: (Shoves a goon's wandering hands away from her posterior) Don't touch me! (Hits him right on the chin, knocking him flat on his back)

*Slip pushes up his sleeves and punches out the nearest goon.*

Duke: (He clonks two goons' heads together) Routine five, Slip?

Slip: Five AN' six!

(Marsha points at her...assets. When a goon looks down, she hits him over the head with her tray.)

(Butch smacks goons' heads in the top of the harpsichord.)

(Two goons pick Louie right up off of his feet and haul him out of the tavern, literally kicking and screaming.)

Sally: Get your hands off me! (One goon clamps his hand over Sally's mouth. It takes two more to pick her up and haul her off.)

(Two guys drop nets over Buddy and Junior, forcing them to their knees.)

(One goon kicks at Bobby's bad leg. He screams and collapses into the goon's arms instantly.)

Slip: *Sees Bobby go down* Bobby! *starts to make his way over to him, knocking out other goons on his way*

(But two more goons are waiting for him and yank him back by the arms before he can get there.)

(Three more men clamp their hands over Marsha, Rachel, and Jane's mouths and drag them out.)

(Butch is corned by the harpsichord. One goon drops a burlap bag over his head. The other knocks his legs out from under him.)

*Chuck sees Butch get nabbed and tries to make his way over to help him.*

(Two goons drop a burlap bag over his head as well. One yanks him off his feet and over his shoulder.)

DuVal: (He comes in, smirking) Do be careful with the little dark-haired one. He's one of my servants...and one of my grooms-to-be.

*Slip sees DuVal enter. He ducks and dodges several goons to get to him.*

DuVal: And here's the other one. (He grabs Slip's arm) What's your rush?

Slip: I see you grabbin' my friends. You ain't gettin' away wit' this.

DuVal: They're pirates...and thus, lawbreakers. Most of them will be hung before dawn. We have no more use for them. The ladies and the little innkeeper will be returning to England with me. You and your brother, however...we have something special planned for you.

Slip: You bastard!

DuVal: I'd watch your mouth...future groom-to-be. You might offend your bride's delicate sensibilities. (He pulls out a small earthenware jug with a wooden stopper.)

Slip: What're you talkin' about?

DuVal: You'll find out soon enough. (He opens the jug and grabs Slip's mouth, forcing it open. He pours the contents down his throat) How do you feel now, Captain?

Slip: What did you just... *Sways and groans, grabbing his head.*

DuVal: Not so tough now, are you?

Sach: Chief! (But two goons yank him back so hard, he almost ends up on the floor) No! What did you do to him?

DuVal: Only gave him something to make him weaker and far more agreeable. (He strokes the back of Slip's neck) How do you feel, Captain?

Slip: *Moans* Tired.

DuVal: (Continues to stroke it) You'll come with me now.

Sach: (Wails) Chief, don't listen!

*Slip just nods, his gaze blank.*

DuVal: (Puts a rope around Slip's neck) You'll ride with me in the front of the carriage. Your brother will be with us. The ladies will deal with him and do further work with you. We'll want you to be feeling good and romantic for your new brides. You will be marrying my partners, of course. (Strokes the back of Slip's neck again)

Sach: Stop! Get off of him!

*Slip just nods again.*

DuVal: As for the rest of them, take them to the City Hall for their trial. They'll likely be hung in the morning.

Duke: (Struggling between the three goons who hold him down) Like hell we will.

DuVal: You're all wanted for piratry and grand theft.

Bobby: We're only takin' things that should go to the people! They need it more than you do!

DuVal: There is a law against taking things that don't belong to you.

(Two more goons throw a burlap sack over Whitey's head. Two others yank Gabe's arms behind his back.)

Goon #1: (Goes up to DuVal) I think that's all of them, sir.

DuVal: Good. Take them to the jail at City Hall. They'll have their trial there. The rest of you will come with me to take these boys to my manor...which is about to become the manor of the two new Mrs. Mahoneys. (Strokes Slip's neck) Right, servant?

Slip: *Nods* Yessir.

(DuVal strides towards the carriage, followed by a goon leading Slip and another carrying Chuck in the sack.)

(We cut to inside of DuVal's ornate carriage. Two of the goons hold Chuck, who lays on his side and is still in the bag. DuVal continues to stroke Slip's neck.)

DuVal: Boys, you can take the sack off of the other groom-to-be now. I'm sure that he'll cause us no trouble once he sees who's in my possession.

(One of the men whips the bag off of Chuck's head...revealing his mixture of anger and surprise.)

DuVal: Hello, Charles. It was very naughty of you and Terrence to run away from your guardian, you know.

Chuck: We aren't possessions, and you know it! And... *notices Slip* Slip! What did you do to him?

DuVal: Oh, I just gave him a little creation I made. I'll bet you didn't know science was one of my hobbies?

Chuck: Oh no! Slip! Slip, you gotta come around!

DuVal: He won't, until I give him the proper say-so. (Strokes his neck) This was the only way he'd come with us without a fuss. (Whispers into Slip's ear) You're going to be a good boy now, aren't you, Terrence? No more running away from the man who takes care of you. You'll do what you're told.

Slip: *Nods* Yessir.

Chuck: No! Slip, fight it, please!

DuVal: Boys, that child bores me. I don't have enough potion to give to him, too. Could you silence him until we arrive at the Manor, please?

Goon #1: With pleasure.

(They hold him down and wind the burlap sack as tightly as they can in his mouth.)

*Chuck makes negative noises, but the goons hold tight. His eyes are wide and scared.*

DuVal: Now it's much quieter in here. (He strokes Chuck's chin) You'll make a pretty groom for Lady Zelda. She'll have a great deal of fun with you.

*Chuck shakes his head.*

DuVal: (Whispers into Slip's ear) And you belong to Lady Sheila Saunders. You'll be her groom. You will turn over all of your money and lands to her in your marriage contract.

*Slip nods again.*

DuVal: You will attend to her needs and...ahem...be her lover in bed.

*Slip nods again.*

(The camera follows the carriage as it arrives at a huge, dark stone manor house. DuVal steps out, followed by one man leading Slip and two more holding the still-gagged Chuck between them.)

(Cut to bedroom in the main house. It's done in shades of reds and browns. Zelda sits in a chair, reading a book. Sheila works on something at the desk. Both look up as DuVal leads Slip in on the rope and the other two men drag Chuck in.)

DuVal: I've brought you your grooms, ladies.

Sheila: Have they been prepared?

DuVal: (Strokes Slip's neck) This one has. The other one you'll have to do yourself. I didn't have enough potion for him.

Sheila: Very well. Gentlemen, you may leave us. (She takes Slip's rope as the three men head out.)

DuVal: I'm sorry I can't stay for your wedding, but I'm returning to England for a few months. I have a few things to attend to on my ship, including several lovely ladies of my own. (Smirks at Chuck) That blond with the spitfire temper was rather attractive...but so was the mysterious little brunette.

Sheila: I'm sure you'll figure out which one you want by the time you reach England.

DuVal: I'm sure I will. (He pats Chuck's cheek) Enjoy your marriage, my boy.

*Chuck mutters something not so nice into the gag.*

Sheila: You, be quiet. Zelda will get to you in a minute. (She pulls Slip closer to her) Hello, Captain. I've heard quite a few tales of your exploits.

(DuVal smirks as she strokes Slip's neck and heads out.)

Slip: Hello.

Sheila: (She sits him down on the bed) I'll bet you're glad to be back on land, where there are so many more...interesting...things to enjoy.

Slip: *Nods* Yes.

Sheila: (She strokes his neck) We'll be married in the morning. We've been planning this for weeks. You'll be a wonderful groom...and then you'll be wonderful in bed. (Whispers in his ear) That's all I need you for, of course. And to be a very plump pet. (Opens his shirt and strokes his chest) You're already fuzzy.

Slip: *Slight grin* Fuzzy pet...

Sheila: Yes. (Runs her fingers through his hair) A very fuzzy pet. You'll be a lot of fun to play with under the covers on cold nights.

Slip: Keep you warm.

Sheila: Yes. (She takes a feather quill from her desk and runs it down his bare chest) And of course, you'll amuse me.

Slip: *Squirms a little* Tickles.

Sheila: (She runs it further down to his crotch) Yes, you'll please me. If you don't please me, you'll be punished.

Slip: *Squirms again* Will please you.

Sheila: (She takes his hand over to her body and runs it over her) Yes, you'll please me. You and I will have a great deal of fun together.

Slip: *Slight grin* Like fun.

Sheila: Have some more fun! (She keeps running his hand over her)

*Slowly, Slip starts to move his hand over her on his own.*

Sheila: There you go. Have fun. (She runs her feather over his chest and crotch again.)

*Slip slides his hand into her top, now smirking.*

Sheila: Now you're getting the hang of it! (Her hand goes into his crotch)

*Slip moves his other hand to the back of Sheila's neck & pulls her into a kiss.*

*Slip's other hand travels south to Sheila's rear end.*

(Sheila pulls him close to her, enjoying it all.)

Zelda: *Smirks at Chuck* Hello again. We didn't get to finish last time.

(Chuck tries to move away from her. He pulls off the burlap sack gag.)

Chuck: We're not finishing anything.

Zelda: *Grabs his head in both her hands* Oh yes, we are. Look deeply into my eyes. You know you want to.

Chuck: No! (Pulls away) I don't want it. I don't want to be a slave to you.

Zelda: *Pulls him close again* You had best behave. Remember, we have your brother under our complete control.

Chuck: He'll break free. He's tougher than he looks. He has the strongest will of anyone I know.

Zelda: I wouldn't be so sure of that. I doubt you want to risk any harm to come to him, right?

Chuck: I won't let you do what you did to me to him! (He looks over his shoulder) Slip, stop it! Fight her! You know this is wrong!

Zelda: I'd say he's enjoying himself. Now, why don't you enjoy yourself? *Grabs his crotch while he's distracted.*

Chuck: Yow! (Shoves her back) Get off of me! That's private!

Zelda: Why must you be so naughty this time? *grabs his head and makes him look into her eyes again*

Chuck: Because I'm wise to your tricks. (He kisses her on the lips as hard as he can)

Zelda: Mphf! *grabs his shoulders and pushes him to arm's length* You're not supposed to do that! I am!

Chuck: Tough. (He shoves her arm away and jumps off the bed) Stay away from me.

Zelda: Why you little... *jumps up after him* Come back here!

Chuck: Try and stop me! (He turns to Slip) I'll be back for you. You can count on that. (He dives out the door before Zelda can grab her.)

Sheila: (Her eyes widen) Why, that little...how could you let him get away with that, Zelda?

Zelda: I didn't LET him! He wouldn't cooperate! I don't understand it. He went under so easily the first time.

Sheila: Perhaps he's right. He knows our tricks too well now.

Zelda: *Grumbles* I still should've been able to get him.

Slip: *Feeling ignored and at fault* I'm sorry.

Sheila: (Strokes Slip's chest) It's not your fault, my pet. Why don't we get you prepared for our wedding? (Turns to Zelda) And you go find your groom. Turn the whole household upside-down if you have to, but find him!

Zelda: I plan on it. *leaves the room*

Slip: *Grins* Do we hafta prepare so soon?

Sheila: Not that soon. (She pushes him down on the bed gently as we fade out.)