(We open with the boys walking down the street. Kids run around them, throwing snowballs and cheering and laughing.)

Sach: (He sighs) I love this time of year. The kids are having the time of their lives!

Chuck: It wasn't so long ago that was us.

Duke: (Grins) Yeah. I remember that.

Sach: Yeah. We used to have a great time at Christmas, even when we didn't have no money.

Slip: We didn't need no money.

Butch: Who needs money when you have snow? (He makes a snowball and throws it lightly at Chuck)

Chuck: *Gets hit* Oh, you sneak, Butch! *grabs a handful of snow, balls it, and throws it at Butch*

Butch: (Laughs when it hits his cheek) Hey! (He throws another one...which misses Chuck this time and gets Slip) Oops.

Slip: So yer gonna play like that, huh? *Grabs some snow and throws it...and it hits Sach; Slip makes a face* I gotta work on my aim.

Sach: Chiefy, I didn't do nuthin'! (He throws...and hits Duke)

Duke: Hey! Since when did I look like Slip? (He throws one that does hit Sach)

*Whitey laughs...but gets hit by two snowballs, one from Chuck and one from Butch.*

Butch: No wonder the kids love doin' this! (Throws another one at Sach)

Sach: Just think of it as exercise! (His next one goes to Whitey.)

Whitey: *Gets hit* Good one, Sach!

Sach: Thanks! Incomin', Chief! (But Sach's next ball doesn't hit Slip. It hits a window. A thin, grizzled old man in an old smoking jacket and corduroy trousers comes out.)

Man: What are you overgrown hooligan's doin'? (Points to the window) You're lucky you didn't break that!

Sach: We're sorry, sir!

Slip: He's got bad aim. He didn't do it on purpose.

Duke: Pipe down, Snodgrass.

Snodgrass: Do you gotta make so much damn NOISE? The kids are bad enough. I don't need adults doin' it, too.

Sach: Since when were we adults?

Slip: I know you ain't.

Duke: It's Christmas. Can't we live and let live, Snodgrass?

Snodgrass: (Makes a face) Christmas! Humph! All I hear is a lot of brats runnin' around wit' their new toys an' people singin' where they shouldn't be and eatin' stuff they shouldn't be. It oughta stay on a Bing Crosby movie! (He slams back into the shop, which we now see has a "Quiet Times' Book Seller - Rare and Antique Books" sign outside.)

Sach: What a grump! I'll bet he doesn't like Hanukkah, either.

Duke: That's Theodore Snodgrass. He's always complainin' 'bout everythin'. He hates that the rec center is so close to his book shop.

Slip: *Folds his arms* He oughta move, then.

Butch: Maybe he doesn't have anywhere else to go.

Sach: Aw, why don't we forget him? We've gotta get to the kids!

Butch: (Nods) We have a tree to deliver!

Slip: An' delivery we will.

Duke: (He hefts his side of the tree) Got the tree, Slip?

Slip: *Lifts the trunk with his good arm; smirks* Let’s go.

(Cut to the rec center. It's a fairly new building. Kids chase each other around the room. They play ping-pong and basketball. They watch TV and listen to radios. One woman plays the piano for several children. Duke runs over to her as she finishes.)

Duke: Hi, Sarah. (Kisses her) How's the kids' been?

Sarah: (Sighs) Crazy. But that's to be expected at holiday-time. Did you get the tree? They're all ready to decorate.

Sarah: Good. I just hope we can keep the decorations.

Sach: What do you mean?

Sarah: Someone's been going around this part of town, stealing decorations and presents from nursery schools and rec centers.

Duke: What a jerk!

Slip: Who'd do such a thing?

Sarah: No one knows. We're worried that we may be next! Many of our children are poor or orphans. This may be the only holiday celebrations they get!

Sach: Chiefy, we've gotta do somethin'!

Sarah: He does all his stealing at night. No one's ever seen him, or her.

Butch: What can we do?

Duke: There has to be a way to trap this guy.

Slip: We'll set som'en up, catch 'im in the act.

Sach: Ooh, we'll do some real detectin'!

Sarah: Whomever it is isn't interested in money. I've heard that they never steal money or valuables, only presents and decorations. This is something that has to do with the holidays.

Butch: Someone has a really weird way of letting off holiday stress.

Sach: Can I wear my Sherlock Holmes hat again, Chief?

Slip: Yes, Sach, you can.

Sach: Yay! (He hugs Slip hard) Oooh, this is gonna be fun!

Duke: You ok, Slip? You look like a ripe eggplant.

Sach: Hey Chiefy, can you breathe? (He's still squeezing him.)

Slip: *Coughs and croaks out* Nooo!

Sach: Oops. (He drops Slip.) Sorry, Chief. I got excited.

Slip: *Coughs again* Sach, yer lucky there's kids here.

Duke: Why don't we split up some jobs, before we start splitting each other up?

Sach: I get to help light the menorah!

Duke: Wanna help me with the tree, Slip?

Slip: Yeah.

Butch: (Turns to Chuck) Why don't we organize a ping-pong tournament for the older kids?

Chuck: *Nods* Sure, they'll love that.

Sarah: (Turns to Whitey) You could help children with their letters for Santa.

Whitey: I'd love to.

Duke: (As he and Slip start the tree) I'd love to know who this jerk is who's stealing decorations from kids. Why ruin someone's holidays like that?

Slip: I'd like to know, too. Even at my worst, I'd never do that to kids.

Duke: I could get the key easy from Sarah. I have the feeling we may be the next target tonight. (Grins) You guys wouldn't know a way of gettin' some survalance stuff, would ya? Maybe we could talk to Officer Gabe Moreno?

Slip: *Nods* Gabe's most likely to get whatever we need.

Duke: This ain't his beat...but I wouldn't be surprised if he's heard about the robberies, too.

Slip: We'll find out.

*As if on cue, Gabe arrives in the door way, glancing around. He spots the fellas & goes over to join them.*

Slip: Gabe, we was just talkin' 'bout ya.

Gabe: Good things, I hope.

Slip: About you, yeah, but not why we wanna talk to ya.

Duke: Gabe, have you heard about the decoration thefts from some of the local day-care centers and rec centers?

Gabe: *Nods* Yeah, we've been going over them at the station. We've had so many complaints, we had no choice but to investigate.

Duke: Sarah and I are worried that this rec center will be next.

Gabe: It does appear that way.

Slip: An' we're considerin' ideas to keep that from happenin'.

Gabe: Hm. I know your ideas, Slip. Just keep in mind, that the police are the ones who do the investigating.

Duke: We won't get in your way. We promise. (Crosses his fingers behind his back and makes sure Slip sees it.)

Slip: Natterally.

Gabe: *Sighs* Okay, fellas.

Duke: Ok. We'll see you tonight, Gabe. (Turns to Slip) For now...who wants to do the lights?

(As the boys decide who does what, we cut to the roof of the building. Everything seems quiet. It's night. All New York is a'snooze...except for the tall, thin man in the makeshift Santa Claus outfit prowling around on the roof. He carries several sacks. He finally throws the sacks down a trap door and makes his way in.)

(After he's done, all seems peaceful and quiet for a few moments again...until we hear what sounds like yelling and grunting. Sach comes up first. He carries a rope and a camera. He wears a black sweater, heavy black jeans, boots, and his usual baseball hat.)

Sach: (Calls downward) Come on, Chief! You can do it!

Duke: (From the ladder) Slip, how many banana splits have you been chowing down on at Louie's lately? You're moving slower than a turtle in rush-hour traffic.

Butch: Duke, no offense, but this is closer than I ever want to get to your rear end.

Slip: *Grunts* I can't hold myself wit' my bad arm.

Sach: Let me help 'ya up, Chiefy! (Grabs his arms)

Slip: Careful, Sach!

Sach: (Pulls him up) Here ya go, Chief!

Slip: *Swats Sach with his hat* Next time I'm takin' the stairs.

Duke: (He comes up next in a tight black sweater similar to Slip's, black slacks, boots, and a black over coat and knit hat; he carries a leather bag) You're just out of shape. Maybe you oughta start goin' to the gym again.

Slip: I'm gonna pretend ya didn't say that.

Butch: (He comes up in a black jacket, black shirt, jeans, and sneakers, and carries rope) This is better n' the movies!

Chuck: *Comes up next, also wearing a black jacket, black t-shirt, black slacks, and sneakers* You got that right, Butch.

Sach: (Calls down) Hey Whitey, did ya remember the walkie-talkies?

Whitey: I got 'em! *comes up; wears a black shirt with a black vest, black slacks, black driving cap, and sneakers*

Duke: Ok. That's all of us. (Looks down) Good. Gabe's just goin' in.

Sach: (He plops his Sherlock Holmes hat on his head) Now I'm ready, too.

Butch: How are we gonna get in?

Duke: There's a trap door right here. (He opens the same trap door the figure in the Santa Claus outfit went in earlier.)

Slip: That's one way ta get in. You guys go first this time, so I don't get no one pushin'.

Duke: Let's go, men. (He climbs in first, followed by Sach, then Whitey, Butch, and Chuck.)

Sach: (Helps Chuck down) Ok, Chuckie, there you go. (Calls up) Ok, Chiefy, down the hatch!

Slip: *Only gets part way through before we hear a muffled curse* Nooo...

Duke: Now what?

Sach: Chief, are you stuck?

Slip: No, Sach, I thought I'd hang out in the trap door for a while!

Duke: Anyone have some axel grease?

Butch: Butter might work!

Sach: Wait! I always wanted to do this. (He takes off one of Slip's shoes and a sock...and tickles his dangling foot!)

Duke: Nice knowing you, Sach.

Slip: *Slaps at the floor and kicks his feet* SAAACH!

Duke: (Grabs Slip's bottom half) Maybe if we all worked together...he might budge...

Chuck: *Grabs on next* On the count of three, Slip, take a deep breath, and we'll pull!

Sach: A REALLY deep breath.

Butch: (He grabs Chuck) Don't worry, Chief! We'll get you down!

Slip: This better work!

Chuck: *As Whitey grabs on last* Ready? One, two, three...

*Slip breathes in deeply as the others pull. They pull as hard as they can...until Slip finally comes through the trap door! Everyone tumbles to the floor.*

Duke: Everyone ok? Slip?

Slip: Don't even ask.

Sach: (Holds out Slip's shoe) Here's your shoe back, Chief.

Slip: *Snatches the shoe back, glaring at Sach* Don't ever do that again.

Sach: I was just havin' fun!

Slip: Next time, don't have it at my despense!

Duke: Come on, guys. That thief may have gotten away with half the decorations by now!

Sach: That's right! We have to solve this case! (Turns to Slip) Do we have all the radar stuff to tell if someone's inside or not?

Slip: *Pats his sachel* Got it all here.

Duke: Ok, then. Bring out the radar. Maybe we ought to split up, too.

Sach: Good. We can do more damage that way.

*Slip removes the radar from the sachel and turns it on.*

Duke: Got anythin'?

Sach: (He looks down at the radar) Oooh, I see somethin'! It's an ugly one! Big nose, big eyes...

Slip: That's you, ya moron.

Sach: Oh. I thought I knew that guy.

Duke: (Sighs) Slip, you take Whitey and Sach. I'll take Butch and Chuck. I have a radar, too.

Sach: Ok, Chief. Come on! Let's go be detectives! (He grabs Slip's arm and pulls him down the hall)

Slip: Saaaach!

Duke: (Turns to Chuck and Butch) Ok, guys. Let's head for the main room, where the tree is. That's the biggest decoration. He'll probably go there first.

Chuck: And hope he hasn't been there already.

(Cut to down below. Some things, like the stockings, are already gone. Other things are still there. The tree is still up and decorated. Several larger items also remain. A figure stands against the tree, taking down tinsel and ornaments.)

Butch: (Whispers; points to the tree) Look!

(But they've been spotted. The figure is already hurrying down the ladder with his loot.)

Duke: We've gotta stop that guy!

Butch: (But the man is already starting down the ladder) He's tryin' to get away!

Chuck: After him!

(They go after the man. As the rush across the hall, we see the camera focus on a piece of string and two familiar hands who pull it across the door. But they pull it too late; the man hurries down the hall, and Duke goes flying. Butch and Chuck finally trip over HIM.)

Duke: (Groans on the floor) I think I sprained somethin'.

Chuck: *groans* What happened?

Sach: (Frowns) We thought you guys were him! (He and Whitey come out with the rope.)

Duke: Well, at least he won't get far. Gabe's in front, in uniform.

Butch: Where's Slip?

Sach: He's settin' up some other traps in the main room.

Butch: Maybe we should go back and help him!

Duke: (Nods) Come on, guys. The thief may try to go back for his loot.

(Cut back to the main room. We see Duke again, this time behind the Christmas tree.)

Duke: (Into the walkie talkie) Ok, is everyone ready?

Sach: (Waves from under a table) I am!

(Butch's hand waves from a closet.)

Chuck: *From an air vent* Ready...I think.

Whitey: *Peeks out from behind a chair* Me too.

Duke: Ok, guys. Shhh. (The door to the main room opens) Here he comes.

(The figure in the Santa Claus suit re-enters. He looks left and right. Not seeing anything, he tip-toes over to his bags to pick them up...but the moment he reaches for them, the lights go on, and everyone jumps out at once!)

Slip: *Smirks* Surprise.

(The figure just grabs one of his bags and runs for the door...but the bag slows him down.)

Duke: Stop that Santa!

Sach: Whitey, let's do our trick again!

Whitey: Aye aye! *salutes*

(Once again, we see a wire go across the front...and once again, the Santa goes sprawling.)

Slip: *Calls out* Routine five!

(Everyone jumps on the guy...but he's able to crawl out from under the pile. The camera follows his gaze for a few inches until he reaches a black shoe. When the camera travels upwards, it reveals that the shoe happens to belong to Officer Gabe Moreno, who's brought Sarah and several other cops.)

Duke: We got him, Gabe!

Sach: Yeah!

(The lights turn on as Sach whips off the Santa hat...revealing Mr. Snodgrass.)

Gabe: Well, Mr. Snodgrass, what do you have to say for yourself?

Snodgrass: (Makes a face) Look, all I wanted was to get these kids to be quiet!

Sach: Couldn't you have just asked?

Snodgrass: I tried! I've sent in cops! All I keep getting told is "they're kids; this is what they do."

Sarah: Well, they ARE children, and this IS what they do. They do make noise.

Duke: (Crosses his arms) Maybe you should move, pal.

Slip: I think the kids would like that better.

Snodgrass: Where? This is my home! I have no family, no other place to go. All I have is my shop and a dog. (Sighs) I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to live in peace.

Sach: You know, you have a book shop, right?

Duke: (Thinking) Yeah. Kids don't always make noise. When they're read to, they settle down.

Chuck: *Nods* Kids love to hear stories.

Sarah: We do have a small selection of books to read to the children, but we're always looking to expand it.

Whitey: Yeah, like the "King's New Clothes!"

Slip: *Makes a face* Yeah, som'en like that, Whitey.

Snodgrass: Well...I didn't think they'd want me here. An old man...

Sarah: We're always looking for new volunteers!

Snodgrass: (He finally smiles a little bit) What do I have to lose? I don't want to go to jail...and I don't want to hurt anyone, either. (Nods towards the left) You'll find the rest of the decorations I stole at my shop.

Chuck: Thank you, Mr. Snodgrass.

Snodgrass: You're welcome. (Sighs) I guess I just don't understand 'bout Christmas.

Sach: (Shrugs) I don't, either, but I know that this whole time of the year is fun!

Duke: If you let it be.

Snodgrass: I never...well, I never really knew much about people. I'm more comfortable with books.

Sarah: But you can change, if you want to.

Duke: And you know... (his eyes go towards Slip) ...we never did decide on a Santa Claus.

Chuck: *Also looks to Slip* That's right.

Slip: Don't look at me like that.

Butch: You'd be perfect, Chief! You have your own belly!

Slip: Fellas, isn't it enough ya cheered me up?

Duke: No.

Butch: Think of the kids!

Chuck: All you need is the suit, wig, and beard!

Slip: Really, fellas...

Sach: Santy don't even come to me, and I think they're right!

Whitey: Oh, please, Chief!

Slip: *Sighs* All right. I'll think about it.

Sach: Yay! (He gives Slip a hug that he clearly isn't crazy about.)

(Cut to the next day. Everyone sits in a smaller room with bookshelves. Snodgrass sits in a large chair while the kids are on smaller chairs or on the floor with their parents. The Bowery Boys, except for Slip, are with them. Sarah and Duke have their arms around each other.)

Snodgrass: "Christmas day is in our grasp, so long as we have hands to clasp. Christmas Day will always be, just as long, as we have we. Welcome Christmas while we stand, heart to heart, and hand in hand." (He's smiling) I like that one. Dr. Seuss is one of the most imaginative writers working in adult or children's fiction today!

Sach: (Grins at Whitey) I loved that story! I liked the Grinch and that cute dog of his!

Whitey: I love that dog!

Butch: When's your brother gonna come in with the presents, Chuck?

Chuck: We may have to haul him out here. He still wasn't too crazy about this idea.

(Duke nods at Sarah and gives her a kiss on the cheek, then goes out the door.)

Sarah: (She stands) Thank you, Mr. Snodgrass. You read that story beautifully.

Snodgrass: You're welcome, Miss Parker. I guess the Grinch isn't the only one who learned something about Christmas.

Sarah: In just a few minutes, Santa Claus will arrive, with presents for every single one of you! In fact, I think I hear him right now! (But we don't hear him...or anyone. All we hear is the noises of the busy New York street outside.) Um, I think I hear him NOW!)

*Slip, dressed as Santa, stumbles into the room as though he were pushed. He turns to look over his shoulder. We see Duke step out from behind and gives him a little wave.*

Sarah: (Grins) Well, better late than never.

Duke: Kids, here he is! Sorry he's late, but he had some problems gettin' down our chimney. (Mutters to Slip) What's your problem? You make a great Santa! Look at the kids! They're eatin' this up!

Slip: *Mutters back* I can't believe I'm doin' this.

Duke: (As the kids come up to him) Didn't you ever wanna be Santa? (They hand out presents to all of the children.)

Slip: No.

Sach: (He and Whitey come up to them) Hey Santa, even though I don't celebrate Christmas, do I still get a present?

Slip: *Mutters* You'll get yers later.

Whitey: Ya know, Santa hasn't done a ho ho ho yet.

*Slip scowls at Whitey.*

Whitey: *Turns to Sach* I think Santa might need a little coaxin'.

Sarah: Do we want to hear Santa "ho ho ho," children?

Kids: (In unison) Yeah!

Duke: Aw, come on, Santy.

Slip: *Mutters* I don't like this.

Duke: (Mutters) Just be glad you only have to give presents out to a bunch of kids for a few minutes. Imagine how Santa feels, havin' to fly all over the world deliverin' presents to kids in one night!

Slip: *Groans* Yeah...

Snodgrass: (He joins Slip; mutters to him) I can't help but notice that Santa needs an elf. I don't know much about children, but I'd like to try helping with the presents.

Slip: *Turns to him; mutters* Thanks, Snodgrass.

Whitey: Well, Santa?

Snodgrass: (He mutters to Slip, smiling) Just once. It's Christmas.

Slip: *Mutters* I still don't like this... *does his best Santa* Ho ho ho!

Kids: (In unison) Yay!

Snodgrass: You may not like it...but you sound great. (He grins) Merry Christmas, Santa. Thanks for everything. I've really learned something.

Slip: *Nods at Snodgrass* Merry Christmas...Elf.

Sach: (Grabs them both and hugs them) Aw, isn't this just swell! Happy Hanukkah, guys!

Butch: (He laughs) This is one of the best Christmases I've ever had!

Chuck: *Nods* Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah, fellas.

Whitey: Happy Holidays!

All of the Boys: (In unison as they turn to the camera) Happy holidays! (We fade out on everyone and the kids waving.)