(We open in Louie's. It's a fairly typical morning. Slip's flirting with Sally, who wipes the counter. Chuck reads the paper. Butch snitches the music reviews from him. Sach snitches the comics. Whitey fiddles with the back of the radio.)

Butch: Hey Whitey, when you're done with the radio, do you want the radio and TV review sheets?

Whitey: Sure, thanks!

Sally: (Sighs) Slip, when are all of you going to finally buckle down and get some work that lasts more than five minutes?

Slip: *Shrugs* When the right jobs come along.

Sally: Which will be when, 1982?

Slip: But Sal...

Sally: Slip, you're just so smart. You're a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for. All of you are. Yes, Sach and Whitey, too. It drives me crazy to see you boys not living up to your full potential.

Slip: I just ain't found the right one yet.

Sally: Your friend Gabe's had a couple of good jobs and seems to be doing well. And what about your friend Bobby? Didn't he join some airplane company after that accident he had?

Slip: *Groans* Sal...

Sach: (Looks up from the comics) Sally, you know the Chief is sensitive about Bobby' leavin' like he did. They were pals for years.

Sally: Maybe some of you should be checking the want ads.

*The radio suddenly spits at Whitey.*

Sach: (He runs over to Whitey) Are you ok? Did that radio attack you again?

Whitey: I'm okay, just surprised me a little.

Sally: How's it coming, Whitey?

Whitey: It's coming.

Louie: (He comes out with stacks of menus) Good morning, boys. Here for waffles and ice cream? (Sighs) And I hope you actually have the money to pay for them today.

Sach: Oh boy, oh boy! I want chocolate ice cream on my waffles today!

Butch: I'll have strawberry!

Slip: *Makes a face* You got the money for those?

Louie: No money, no waffles!

Sally: I told you, fellas.

*Gabe strides in just then and claps Slip’s shoulder.*

Gabe: Hi, Slip. Hey, fellas.

Sach: Gabe! (Gives him a big hug) How are ya?

Sally: Hi, Gabe.

Louie: Gabe! (He shakes his hand) I haven't seen you in ages. Where have you been?

Sally: And what are you involved in this time?

Slip: What page are you workin' on today?

Gabe: Page one, hopefully.

Sally: Don't tell me you're gambling again!

Gabe: No, no, of course not!

Louie: I've told you a thousand times, Gabe, getting involved with gamblers isn't good for your health!

Sach: He wouldn't do that! Not now, anyway. I bet he's President of the United States!

Gabe: I'm still a reporter.

Sally: Wow, you kept a line of work for more than a month! New record for you.

Gabe: This is one gig I can really sink my teeth into.

Slip: Now I'm never gonna hear the end of it.

Louie: Are you onto something big?

Sach: I'll bet he's gonna blow this town wide open!

Gabe: I've heard from several sources that there's some illicit jewel smuggling going on. The sources are hinting at some local beauty parlors of all places.

Sally: Beauty parlors? (She pats her own hair) I hope it isn't anywhere I use.

Sach: Beauty parlors? What are they, girl smugglers?

Louie: (Frowns) Actually, I think it's a good idea. Who would think to check a beauty parlor for jewels?

Sach: You're gonna blow a beauty parlor wide open? That can't be any fun.

Gabe: Consider who goes INTO beauty parlors.

Sally: More often than not, women. Rich women, if the beauty parlor is fancy enough.

Gabe: Right.

Butch: Rich women with jewels.

Sach: Yeah! And big hair!

Sally: And don't tell me, Gabe. Some of those rich women's jewels have been vanishing.

Gabe: Exactly.

Slip: So just what role do you have in this?

Gabe: It just so happens I'm the new manager and accountant for one of the fancier parlors. Undercover of course. It also just so happens that I'm looking for some new assistants and stylists.

Sach: I can do hair! Look at mine! (He pulls off his baseball cap) I brushed it this morning. Looks pretty swanky, don't it?

Louie: It looks the same as always, Sachula.

Slip: Gabe, what exactly makes you think that this crowd, myself concluded, can work with ladies' hair, hmmmm?

Butch: Who says we have to do hair? Don't some of those places have music? (Grins at Whitey) Or big radios and TVs that need fixing.

Sach: I wanna do hair! I've been working on a whole new line of shampoos and conditioners for the guys!

Sally: You guys may not be able to do hair, but I have friends who could help.

Louie: Maybe I could serve some of those fancy ladies tea and sandwiches while they get their hair done.

Sally: (Smirks at Slip) And of course, the manager will need an assistant to make sure everything goes smoothly.

Slip: *Shrugs, smirking* Natterally.

Sach: Oooh, let's do it now!

Sally: I'll call my friends. (She goes to the pay phone.)

Butch: (Nudges Chuck) Maybe you could help Gabe work on the story. I've seen you write...and you've certainly been a newsboy long enough!

Chuck: How about it, Gabe?

Gabe: Sure, I'd appreciate the help.

Sach: (Sniffs and hugs Slip) Oh, isn't it sad? All the kids are growin' up.

*Slip belts Sach with his hat.*

Slip: Gedoff.

Sach: Oop! I guess the Chief ain't feelin' sad 'bout it.

Sally: (She joins them) The girls will meet us there.

Louie: Just let me close up the shop.

Butch: (Grins at Chuck) Looks like you're on your way! Who knows? Maybe you'll become a famous reporter, too!

Chuck: I hope so.

(Fade out on the Sweet Shop. Fade in on a Beauty Parlor. It's as frilly as you can get. The room, with it's long row of mirrors, salon chairs, and hair dryers, and shelves of hair products, is trimmed in various soft pastels. Slip, now wearing a good suit with his usual hat, looks over a line that includes Butch and Chuck in suits, Whitey in a jump suit, Sally in a pink waitress' uniform and white hat, three other young ladies in smocks, and Sach in a smock and beret.)

Chuck: *Looks up at Gabe* Enjoying the view?

Sach: (Looks at the women on either side of him) I know I am!

Gabe: (Smirks and mutters to Chuck) I'd say "yes," but I might end up with Sally's tray in my kisser.

Chuck: Fair point.

(As the line breaks up into the room, the door opens, and a group of people enter. A tall woman with large brown eyes and red hair who wears a fancy business suit leads the group. She's followed by an extremely handsome man with a very pretty, dark-haired girl in blue on his arm. They're followed by two other men.)

Sheila: (She turns to Chuck; the dark-haired woman smiles at him) Hello, sir. My name is Sheila Saunders. Mr. Allan Gresner, Miss Adriana Castella, and I are here to inspect our holdings and see how well they do hair.

Chuck: Yes, ma'am.

Adriana: (She smiles gently at him) Hi there.

Allen: (He lifts his head) Give me your finest worker. Only the best for this great profile.

(Sheila rolls her eyes. Adriana giggles.)

Sach: (He takes one look at Sheila and his rubber lips go; then) Chief, can I have her? Pleeesssee?

Slip: Knock yerself out. *mutters* I hope.

(Allen sits with one of the women, and she fusses over him. Louie comes over to Adriana and Chuck.)

Louie: Hello, Miss. Sandwiches?

Adriana: Oh, I'd love some! (She turns to Chuck) Are you new in this business? I've never seen you here.

Chuck: Very new, actually.

Sheila: (She goes over to Gabe) How about you? I don't know if I've ever seen you around my beauty parlors. It's a shame you don't do hair. You're very handsome. I could use a good man like you.

Gabe: I can still take that as a compliment.

Adriana: (She leans over the desk) You're pretty good-looking yourself. I'd say you're almost better-looking than Allan.

(Allan narrows his eyes at the two at the desk, despite the pretty woman fussing over his meticulous hair.)

Chuck: Me?

Adriana: Yes, you! You're very attractive. (She grins) I bet you're a lot more fun to go out with, too. Do you like dancing?

Chuck: Sure I do.

Adriana: I'll bet you like to read, too. I love reading. (Makes a face) The only thing Allan reads about is how to make himself more gorgeous.

Chuck: I do like to read, actually.

Allan: (He growls and is about to go over to Chuck, but Sach and Whitey confront him) Hey! Adriana, what are you...

Sach: (Holds up a spray can) How'd ya like a shave and a hair cut like you've never seen before?

Sheila: (Nods at Sach) Is that a new hair stylist? I've never seen anyone...um, quite like him before.

(Allan is about to turn around, but he runs into Slip.)

Slip: Goin' somewhere?

Allan: I don't like Adriana talking to that boy. She's my girl!

Sach: Aw, pipe down. It'll only take a few minutes to shave ya!

Slip: An' he's my brother. Now sit down and let these two work their magic.

Allan: But... (But Slip shoves him in the chair before he can protest further)

Sach: Ok! Butch, turn on the workin' music! This will be my masterpiece! Chief, hand me my new shampoo!

(Allan tries to squawk, but he's garbled under the too-high salon cape.)

*Slip hands Sach a bottle, smirking.*

Butch: (Grins and plays his small piano) Ok, Sach!

Sach: (Sings along with the music) "Oh Rainy night in Rio..." (He runs his shampoo over Allan's scalp) Oh, this will be so wonderful! You'll look like a different man when I'm through with you! (He hands Slip a razor) How'd you like to do the shavin' while I work on his handsome head?

Slip: *Grins* Sure, I'll work on this guy. Dunno who yer workin' on, though.

Sach: I think this is... (He pulls off the cape)

Allan: I'm Allan Gresner, the co-owner of this beauty parlor chain!

Slip: *Shrugs* Whatever ya say, buddy.

(Sach continues humming and rubbing. He's now spraying something whitish into half of Allan's hair. He brushes it vigorously.)

Sach: Oh, this is going to be so nice! You'll have a nice big head of hair when I'm through!

Allan: (Growls as Slip shaves him) Ow! What are you doin', slicing off my face?

Slip: I can't help it if ya got craters.

Allan: (Roars) CRATERS! I do not have craters! I have an illustrious profile!

Slip: Ain't what I'm seein'.

Sach: Oh, this is nice... (That's when he starts combing out the half of Allan's hair he applied the spray to...and realizes it's coming out in handfuls) Oh boy. Um... (He leans over Whitey) Maybe it's time to give this fellow the drying treatment now?

Whitey: Okay! *gives him the drying treatment*

(The dryer works...for about five minutes. Sach and Whitey's eyes widen as the dryer begins to smoke.)

Allan: Turn it off! Turn it off!

Whitey: I'm tryin'!

(The dryer finally stops whirring. Sach lifts it...revealing that half of Allan's head is bald, and the other half is singed and standing straight up. His face is covered with nicks and cuts.)

Allan: (Gasps as he looks in a mirror) What did you do to me? What did you incompetents do to my beautiful face?

Sach: (Jumps behind Slip) Look at him! He did the shavin'.

Slip: *Shrugs* Yer looks needed improvin'.

(Allan lunges for Slip.)

Sach: (Gulps) Routine 8, Chief?

Slip: *Side-steps and clocks Allan's jaw* Routines 8 and 9!

Sach: Got'cha. (He ducks away as Allan falls back into the salon chair. Whitey and Butch take on the two bodyguards at the door.)

*Slip gives the salon chair a good spin.*

(When Allan emerges from it, he looks green. He leans over the hair-washing tub behind the salon chair and makes noises to the point that he's losing his lunch.)

Sach: (Grimaces at Allan) He definitely shouldn't have had salami on rye for lunch.

Sheila: (She turns to Gabe) What's this? You call these hair stylists?

Gabe: *shrugs* Did I?

Sheila: Fire them. (Leans over him and whispers) And I'd like to see you in my office tomorrow. Possibly for a date.

Gabe: Not awfully likely.

Sheila: (Makes a face) I still need to see you in my office tomorrow about your hiring practices.

Adriana: (She blushes and says to Chuck) You know, maybe we could...um...see each other? Talk books and movies over a cup of coffee somewhere?

Chuck: I'd like that.

Adriana: How about 1? Are you busy?

Chuck: I'm available.

Adriana: I'll see you then!

Sheila: (As the bodyguards stumble in, one holding Allan up) Come on. Let's find a place to get all of you cleaned up and someone who knows what they're doing to fix Allan's face and hair.

(Allan just groans.)

Sheila: (She turns to Gabe as Slip and the others join them) I will talk to you later. (Narrows her eyes at Slip) And you will never touch my hair.

Sach: I'd sure like to. (His rubber lips go double-time.)

Slip: Do I look heartbroken?

Sheila: I'd say you don't look like much of anything. (She sniffs) Come along, boys. Adriana. (They storm out. Sach tries to follow her, but Slip grabs his arm.)

Slip: Where do ya think yer goin'?

Sach: Wherever she's goin'.

Slip: Yer stayin' here.

Sach: You're just jealous. She wasn't givin' you the eye.

Butch: What was that all about?

Sach: The most beautiful woman in the world walked through that door. That's what that was all about.

Butch: She may have been pretty, but she sure was nasty! (Turns to Chuck) And you sure were gettin' cozy with the other girl!

Chuck: *Shrugs, smiling a little* She was nice.

Butch: Did you ask her out?

Sach: Ooh, our Chuckie's on a date with a girl!

Chuck: We're gonna have lunch.

Slip: Not bad.

Sach: (Turns to Gabe) Did you ask the lady with the red hair out?

Gabe: No, I certainly didn't.

Sach: Why not? I woulda!

*Slip belts Sach with his hat.*

Sach: Oop! But Chief, she was good-lookin'! Real smart, too.

Slip: She's a phony.

Sach: If she's phony, I don't wanna see real!

Butch: Didn't she want to talk to you, Gabe?

Gabe: Yeah. I can hardly wait to find out what about.

Sach: Maybe she wants for you to become her right-hand man. I'd sure like to be on her right hand, you lucky dog, you.

Gabe: Wanna trade?

Sach: Sure! You can have...uh.... (He pulls out the can of spray) My newest invention! I just need to work out some of the kinks.

Gabe: No thanks, Sach.

Sach: I swear I'm gonna work on that formula!

Butch: I wouldn't touch that can for a million dollars. I saw what you guys did to Allan.

Slip: Don't be lookin' at us to try it on.

Butch: The last time you tried any of your crazy chemistry stuff on us, Slip walked around with purple skin for a week. People thought he was an alien and kept asking him if he was advertising for the double feature at the Bijou!

Slip: Thanks, I was tryin to forget that.

Sach: We got in the double feature for free, didn't we? They loved the advertisin'!

Butch: (Turns to Chuck) Maybe this will be a help for you, too, Chuck. You can write 'bout fallin' in love with the assistant of a rich lady.

Sach: I love a good romance story!

Chuck: Fellas...

Sach: (His stomach growls) I think my tummy just said that I haven't eaten in almost an hour. How 'bout we leave the ladies to help customers and go get somethin' from Louie's?

Gabe: My treat.

Slip: Now yer talkin'.

Butch: I think the other ladies can handle this. Louie and Sally already went back to the store.

Sach: (Turns to Whitey) Wanna eat? We'll work on our great inventions later.

Whitey: I'm starved!

Sach: (Puts an arm around Slip and Gabe) Ok. Let's go make Louie faint when we can actually pay for our lunches.

Gabe: Don't you mean when I pay for our lunches?

Slip: Either way, Louie's gonna faint.

(All four guys laugh as they head past customers on their way in. The camera last focuses on a still-blushing Chuck as we fade out.)